meet my feet.

"What would it be like to know, in the deepest part of you, that every part of your anatomy and each process of your female body contained wisdom and power?" - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

(For those of you who don't know what I am doing, here is the explanation.)

I'm not sure what I expected. I think I expected that it would take a long time to have a connection with my feet. You need to know that there is a deeply practical side to me that I have had to tell that this is an experiment to get it to be brave enough to put this stuff on a a blog. That side of me expected to sit there and have nothing really happen. The other part of me thought that I would get these profound messages from my body, and that I would end up writing something deep and eternal on my feet that would change everything.

Well I washed my feet and changed into some comfortable clothes. I sat down, smudged the area around me and lit a candle. Then I sat and held my feet. I talked to them. I thanked them for all of the adventures that we had been on together. I apologized to them for wearing the mean shoes that caused me to have awful ingrown toenails when I was younger. I apologized to them for hating them for being so big. I told them about all of the adventures we were going to go on in the future and about some of the not-so-fun things that we were going to do. I rubbed them and stroked them and held them until I was done talking.

Then I sat very still and asked them if they had anything that they wanted to tell me. I honestly thought I would sit there for ages waiting for something to happen. I got a message IMMEDIATELY: "Put us up." I thought I was just thinking that myself, but the message came through loud and clear a second and a third time: "UP!" So I moved around and lay on my back with my feet propped up against the chest of drawers.

After a few moments, I quietly asked them what words I should give them. Again, the answer came immediately. "Ready? Set! Go!" Came my answer. I remember shaking my head a little. I had been hoping for something a little deeper. I waited again, but the answer was the same. I asked what other words I could given them. That answer also came out loud and clear. "Be still."

I lay still for a little while longer, but my my feet did not. My toes would not stop wriggling. When I sat up I rubbed my hands over them again. Usually there is a place on the inside of my instep that is excruciating when it is rubbed. I instinctively moved my thumbs to that place. Nothing. No pain. For the first time I can remember, that spot didn't hurt at all. (I'm embarrassed to say that I even pushed really hard just to make sure!) Amazing. So I wrote their messages on my feet and then tucked them into cozy socks (because they asked me to.)

So what have I learned? I've learned that my feet are a whole lot more exuberant than I have given them credit for. They want to move. They want to wriggle. They want to race. They want to dance.

I'm listening. Today we are going to dance!!

So far it's been a very interesting experiment! I am going to keep working up. Tomorrow I am going to introduce myself to my legs. I wonder if they will have as much to say.

xo

"What would it be like if you reclaimed the wisdom of your body and learned how to trust its messages?" - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

back home to me...

"A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology. Beliefs are energetic forces that create the physical basis for our individual lives and our health." - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

A little while ago I had an idea. Within moments of accepting the idea I was visited by a messenger telling me to do it! I, of course, procrastinated. I have been feeling extraordinarily powerless in my life lately. It makes my throat ache to write that, but it is the truth. So I haven't started even though I know it is exactly what I need to do. This week my body has rebelled by giving me a long, lingering case of hives and an IBS attack.

I took this photograph in a cathedral (where I wasn't supposed to take pictures!) These steps are made of stone and you can see how many people have walked up them by how worn they are. It's actually quite difficult to climb them now without slipping a little. The interesting thing about these steps is that if you move just a little bit to the right, the step is unworn and quite a lot easier to climb. I watched for a little while, and everyone still climbed up the worn bits. It's the path that seems the easiest, and the path that everyone else has taken, so it's where they all go.

Well, I have decided to step to the right. Inspired by this, and this, and a scene from this and the experiment behind this, and by this and these, I have come up with a way of returning to myself.

Starting at the bottom - closest to the earth - I am going to begin to climb back into myself one piece at a time. Today I am going to meet my feet! Today I will have a bath, give them a wash, and then spend a few moments listening to them. I haven't really even thought about them for a long, long time. Then, once I hear what they have to say I will write something on them. I am going to reconnect myself to them and to the earth they connect me to. If it works with water crystals, then I am sure it's worth a try on my nearly-all-water body. I'll let you know how it goes.

"Imagine yourself whole, healed, and deeply in touch with the wisdom of your female body. How do you feel? What do you know in your bones? Nothing is more exciting than knowing that our bodies and our feelings are a clear, open pathway toward our destinies." - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Starting today I am going to work towards getting all of me on the same side.


P.S. I have just found this. Oh, I would do anything to be there. Wow. How can I make it happen?

some days...

Some days I can get up at 5:30am, exercise for half and hour or more, drink hot water with lemon and then green tea, take my vitamins, have mini shredded wheat with soy milk for breakfast, and vegetarian green thai curry or a chicken salad for lunch, drink a litre and a half of water while getting on with work, come home, and have a healthy supper, a few squares of dark chocolate, do a little work and go to bed (admittedly after watching something rubbish on tv.) I honestly, honestly do this about 80% of the time.

Then there are the other days. There are the days when I drag myself out of bed, get through work, and then find myself on the couch eating chocolate covered Hobnobs (which are DIVINE by the way!) and hoping that Mark won't mind if I suggest having hamburgers or something equally decadent for dinner. (My newest favorite thing to eat is a sandwich with bacon, avocado and tomato, a tiny bit of spring onion and black pepper - bliss!!)

I am currently living through day number two. I was fine until I had texturized vegetable protein in a sauce with the consistency of snot for lunch. After eating half of it, I leaped off of the healthy living wagon with both feet. While I do feel that we all need moderation in all things, I can feel this turning into a night of debauchery. There is wine chilled, after all, and I am off for nine whole days...

Do I get back into healthy land or do I turn to decadence? Tricky. I think I'll take a glass of chilled white wine with me while I read Oprah in a bubble bath. Then I am sure I will know what to do!


(The rock above was painted by a mermaid! The coaster is from my Mom & Dad. Have a wonderful weekend!)

watch this space.

"You must ask for what you truly want.

Don't go back to sleep.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep."
-Rumi

This is what I used to see when I sat down and worked at my desk. If you look closely some of you might recognize your own work, inspiration you have sent me, or things you might have seen on other sites. I am addicted to ribbon and glitter and wings of all kinds and quotes and pictures of people, places and things that are dear to me.

BUT.

Sometimes I think that I need to focus (tough word for me) a bit more. So a few weeks ago I cleared the deck. Now when I sit down to work I have less chaos and more clarity. (Have no fear! I could not take my treasures down - the whole board was merely relocated!)

I have a WHOLE WEEK OFF starting on Friday and I am so excited about the possibilities!! A clean desk, many projects and NINE WHOLE DAYS... bliss. My toes and fingertips are tingling in anticipation!!

xo

unbelievable beautifulness

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a true blue dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
- e.e.cummings

I don't know if "beautifulness" is really a word but it's the one that comes to mind when I see what's going on in the world around me. I thought I would share it with you. Spring has sprung here and the Magnolias are the first ones to celebrate!

I hope you are having a beautiful day - wherever you are.

xo

Hawk Medicine

The strangest thing happened to me the other day! You've heard this from me before, but you are about to hear it again: I've been inspired. I know, I know, I say that a lot, but THIS time it actually came as a moment of clarity about a couple of other projects I have been mulling over. The idea came as a flash of how I could fuse them all together into one project.

I was sitting at my desk scribbling in one of my notebooks when it happened. I was so excited about it, my pulse started to race and I started to write down all of the ideas that were flowing through me. The Universe was offering me inspiration. I accepted.

For a moment I allowed myself to pause in my excitement. I looked out the window and lost myself in the branches outside. As I looked, a hawk landed on the branch that was less than a foot from my window. He had bright yellow legs and even brighter yellow eyes. He landed and then looked right in the window at me. We stared at each other for a moment and then he turned his head to the right and flew away.

I sat still for another moment before I realized I was still holding my breath. I felt like I had been visited. I felt seen.

When I told the amazing Jessie about this she sent me this from Medicine Cards: (I've edited for length!)

"HAWK
-Messenger-

Hawk is akin to Mercury, the messenger of the gods. Hawk medicine teaches you to be observant, to look at your surroundings. Observe the obvious in everything that you do. Life is sending you signals.

Life is the initiation. If you have pulled the Hawk card, then right now a clue about the magic of life is being brought to you. This magic can imbue you with the power to overcome a currently stressful or difficult situation. The test is your ability to observe the nuances of power lurking nearby. Is power the talent you have and are not using? Are solutions always hard to find because you have lost the broader vision of Hawk? Or is the Great Spirit displaying a gift that you need only to receive? Have the colors of the morning inspired you to create? Or has the gloominess of a present situation left you earthbound, unable to hear the voice within the raindrops splashing on your window? Pay attention! You are only as powerful as your capacity to perceive, receive, and use your abilities."

Lately things have been difficult here. I am feeling really stuck in a lot of ways - but I feel like I have had a sign. I am only as powerful as my capacity to perceive, receive, and use my abilities. What a great message.

Here I am!

"You have to recognize the demons or else they'll annoy you like
mosquitoes. But if you acknowledge their existence, if you say, 'All right, here's a cookie, go sit in the corner,' then you can go about your work and you don't have to go into depression because of it." -James Broughton

I don't know what to say to leap with both feet back into this strange world except to say that I've missed you! I have lurked around your sites; keeping up with you but trying to avoid talking about what has been going on with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and emails. I'm okay. I really am. It's the world around me that seems to have gone mad. It's amazing what we can deal with when we need to.

This crisis has really opened up my eyes to the strange way we human beings have of destroying ourselves. We know right down to the tips of our toes and the deepest part of our souls what we SHOULD do to make our lives better right this moment. We KNOW everything we need to know to do what needs to be done. Why don't we do it? Why do we cling to rotten, stinky, ridiculous, harmful habits? Sometimes we even brandish those habits like a sword, feeling justified in our choices because we are CHOOSING them.

Sera Beak says: "Sometimes what makes you lick your lips with easy excitement might not actually be the best thing right now. Whereas what challenges you or frightens you a little or even ticks you off the most is what your spirit needs the most."

Today I dare you to be brave enough to ask yourself this question and then answer it honestly: "What would be the best thing for me right now?"

(P.S. And when you are finished that, I recommend that everyone read Bee's beautiful post!!)