Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I've got to get some work done!

"I don’t know what inspiration is, but if and when it comes, I hope it finds me working…" - Pablo Picasso

Well, to make a long story short - I DID IT!!! It was truly the hardest thing I have ever done. I did it in a very slow 3 hours and 11 minutes. I have been hobbling around ever since, but I have the medal and the t-shirt and I can now say that I have done a half-marathon! YAY! (and the very best part is that it is done!)

A strange thing happened to me as I made my way along the course of the race. After running a few miles and then stopping for a 'comfort break' I found myself towards the back of the crowd. I am not really an athlete, and I often needed to stop and walk. At around mile 7 I started paying attention to what was going through my head. (I had to pay attention to something other than my screaming hips!) I was shocked by how negative my thoughts were. All that was going through my head was how I wasn't going fast enough or how I wasn't running enough or that I was going to be the last person to cross the line. I was worried that the people along the route were judging me because I wasn't going quickly enough. Finally I forced through my head that I was DOING A HALF-MARATHON and that I needed to be proud of myself. The whole process really showed me how I think and how I need to change the way that I speak to myself. Lots of lessons learned.

I also have realized in the past few weeks that I have been stretching myself too thin. I have so much that I want to do and need to do that I haven't been doing any of it. I realized that in order to make my dream of a book-lined writing room a reality I need to get myself focused. We are getting close to getting our website up and running but I have been shamefully neglecting my portion of the work. Right now that is the work that needs to take priority in my life. So I have made a difficult decision. I am taking a blogging break. Actually I am taking a writing break. No writing allowed that isn't website-related. I hope that this means that I will be able to come back to writing and blogging refreshed and energized and ready to get this chick's words published!

So I am taking a blogging break until December 1. Between now and then I am going to turn 32 (on October 25th,) go on a journey to the States to meet some incredible women, see the Indigo Girls in concert, start a new part of my job, and hopefully get a large amount done. So I'll have lots of stories to tell, and I'll be looking forward to catching up on yours.

Keep safe and well, take care of you and I will see you in just over a month. (I should be walking normally by then...)


Friday, October 13, 2006

If I could stop time.

This week's Sunday Scribbling's prompt is: "If I could stop time." This is so incredibly topical for me right now. OH, if I could stop time I would use my power to freeze everyone else so that I could have several more months of training for the half-marathon I am attempting on Sunday. I would stop time in Canada so that my wee niece (and Goddaughter!!) wouldn't grow up any more while we are away. I would stop time so that we could get our website sorted out before Google spends all of its money on other people's wacky ideas.

If I could stop time I would spend an eternity on a canoe trip with my family. I would write all of the books that are lining the drawers of my brain and then start time again so that I could be one of those phenom writers who can put a book out once a year. To be honest I would try very hard to accomplish everything I could towards my new years resolutions. Because you know, it's nearly that time again and I haven't quite got there. Like Bill Murray towards the end of Groundhog Day I would learn as much as I could and fill myself with skills and talents. I could learn Italian and Dutch, and teach myself to knit and I'd lose weight and I could figure out how to write a million-dollar screenplay.

I'd spend as much time with the people I love as I possibly could.

The second part of Sunday Scribblings was if you could choose any superpower out of the basket what would it be? That's a tough one if you get too deeply involved in the process. My gut instinct is that I would fly. That one is obvious as it would save me a blooming fortune on airfare. As for a fighting-evil superpower, I really enjoyed Elastagirl's powers in the Incredibles. That would be handy no matter what you were doing.

Okay, so please please send us your positive vibes this weekend. Mark and I are running (I use that term loosely when it comes to me!) the Cardiff Half Marathon this Sunday morning. I am so nervous I feel sick. I have knee braces (sexy!) and Powerade and a fully charged, fully loaded ipod. All I need now is some courage and Divine help. I'll be back Monday (hopefully) to tell you how it went.

Monday, October 02, 2006

I miss...

The last few times I have posted I have done it with a lump forming in my throat. It's not that I am sad, or even very unhappy, it's more that I have felt like I was lying a little bit. I've been trying to write about other things when all I want to say is how much I am missing at home. I'm actually boring myself going on about how homesick I am, so I am going to get it all out right here, right now.

I keep getting home 'flashes.' I'll be going about my day and I will suddenly get a vivid picture in my head of somewhere in Canada. It's unusual for me because I have real problems with visualization. If you asked me to picture somewhere in my head, I can't do it. I can feel a place, smell a place, or know a place but I can't make a visual image in my brain. But it's that brain that seems to be determined to make me 'see' home.

Last week I had a flash of a sushi restaurant I have been to a few times with my friend Karen. I was absolutely there for a moment. Other times it has been the intersection at Lansdowne street, my Mom's office, a bookstore, a coffee shop. I will be there for a moment and then I'll be back here again, filled with longing for home and sad that I can't capture that moment again on my own. I wish I could figure out what my brain is doing to me.

So please humour me while I make a list - a partial list - of the things and places that I am thinking of and missing. I'm not putting many people in it because then I'll cry and that won't be productive at all.

* a Tim Horton's 'everything' bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese
* driving through Peterborough and going to Chapters (and the attached Starbuck's)
* the fall colours that I know are happening
* my niece who is being Christened next weekend in the dress that I was Christened in
* Thanksgiving this weekend & the big family dinner
* anything and everything cooked by my Mom (today my hankering is for a Dutch dish I can't pronounce on here involving mashed potatoes and huge meatballs!)
* the feeling of space around you
* a coffee shop on every single corner of every single road
* convenience stores (yes, it's a weird thing to miss but I do.)
* sushi with friends
* fitting in (not being asked, "So where are you from?")
* shopping malls - big ones (is that shallow?)
* my family & friends (and several babies of friends who are growing up quickly!)
* Wendy's hamburgers
* my VERY favorite band is playing in concert in Toronto in October. (amended later - I might get to see them afterall somewhere else!)
* having breakfast with my parents
* time alone in office supply stores (we live in a very small village here!)
* t.v. series that start in October and finish in the spring
* a restaurant in Peterborough called, "Hot Belly Mama's" that makes the best sweet potato french fries!
* my books - although I am slowly ferreting the collection over here it's still pretty massive over there
* the slightly northern southern Ontario landscape
* trees

There's lots more but I will leave it there. I don't want to sound like I don't like it here, because I do - I'm just missing where I am from.