Friday, July 27, 2007

Songs that make me happy and 8 things.

I was half way through creating this post when I was tagged by Denise to reveal 8 random things about me. So I am going to use the songs I was linking to as one of my things.
  • We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
  • Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  • People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
  • At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.

1. I am crazy about collecting music - but I am very selective. I only want it if I love it. (Any suggestions for people I should listen to?) Here are the songs I was going to share with you today anyway:

This one makes me happy!

This one makes me dance!

This one makes me wriggle!

This one makes me laugh!

This one was sent to me by a friend!

This one makes me smile!

and this one is just plain wonderful!

2. I am scared of mushrooms. Seriously. Someone told me once that they don't need sunshine to grow and I have been suspicious of them ever since. I can only eat them if I can't SEE them. I am also scared of the dark but that comes from working at camp. I won't elaborate.

3. I'm weird about eating things in twos. If you offer me something to eat that is small like an M&M, I will always ask if I can have two - one for each side of my mouth.

4. I moved to England in October of 1998 with a bag, £300, and three nights in a hotel in London (thanks to my Mom!) I had no idea what was next. I ended up moving to the tiniest village in the world and meeting the man who I am now engaged to. Crazy old world.

5. I think I have told you this before, but I once made an apple pie dressed in a full pioneer costume on Breakfast Television.

6. I can flip my tongue over and I can wink one eye without scrunching it up - like a doll. People are usually a little freaked out by it.

7. I am very messy. I ALWAYS need to clean off my desk before I can get to work. The result of this is that I do most of my writing while sitting on the couch surrounded by my notes. My dream is to have a big office just for me with a drafting table, desk, supply cupboard and lots of inspiration all over the walls.

8. I LOVE beautiful things. When I was younger people used to come into my room just to sit and look at all of the things I had on my walls. I love ribbon and cards with quotes on them and pictures of flowers and glitter and... well... just everything that makes me smile and sigh. Now I have just one bulletin board and my desk that I can make chaotic with colour and beauty. But when we move - look OUT!!

Okay - so 8 people. The problem is that so many people have already had this. If I tag you and you have already done this, please forgive me! Please - no pressure!! XO I tag Jamie, Claudia, Jessie, Tori, Frida, Maddie, Bee, & Jen.

long lost me!

(This photo is Mark and I on the 'Jurassic Coast' near Lyme Regis. It's a world heritage site, and as you can see, it's a lovely hot sunny summer here in the UK!)

I keep coming back here and saying how long it's been since I've been here. It's getting ridiculous. I really am going to try to get back on here more. I miss it. I find myself blogging in my head every now and then, and wondering what it going on with other bloggers. It's strange to care so much about people that you have never met.

I have been away from the computer for awhile because my parents were here for ten days. When they were gone it took me a couple of days to find my feet again. Before this trip I only missed them in Canada. Now I miss them here - does that make sense? So I was experiencing re-entry issues. I didn't want to be at work, I missed them, I was irritable and grouchy, these are all road blocks to a sunny blog post!

But I am also really tired of coming on here and complaining. I'm tired of coming on here and wishing that things were different. I am tired of coming on here and being inspired and having nothing come of it. I am tired of myself. I am so bored of myself I want to have someone pinch me and wake me up. My readership is dwindling and I tell myself that it is because I am never here, but maybe it's also because when I am here I am SO BORING. Blah blah, overweight, blah blah, not writing, blah blah homesick, blah blah don't want to go to work, blah blah blah blah blah BLAH.

Does anyone out there have that golden ticket? Does anyone out there know exactly what key I need to unlock that bit of my brain that won't let me KEEP ON doing the right things for me? What do I say to myself when I sit down to watch television instead of writing my book? What charm do I rub to get me to remember that staying where I am is actually scarier than taking a big brave leap? What song can I sing to myself that will charge me up like Maria in The Sound of Music to go running off, suitcase in one hand, creativity in another to meet my dreams?

I know that making a leap is actually a series of lots of little leaps and it's about making the decision over and over and over again. Wouldn't it be grand if we could just LEAP and that one choice would propel us out and into our lives, changing our attitudes and decisions forever? Wouldn't it be grand if the simple act of writing, "From now on things are going to be different!" in our journals could actually MAKE them different! Wouldn't it be grand if saying no to one cookie could make us able to eat healthily forever! Wouldn't it be grand if all it took to live creatively was to dip a single toe in that river. We would be swept away and all would be well. We could live in a swirl of glitter and ribbon and words and colour and abundant income. So come on, what's the magic word then? What will it be?

Life would be so much easier if I wanted to be ordinary.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

too many layers

"Whatever has happened to us has contributed to us." - SARK

I am a worrier. I am a worrier, a planner, a bag of nerves, and a internal-freaker-outer. But I am also a coper. I am also a rationalizer, a deal-with-it-er, and a fix-er. While all of these sides of my personality have their moment in my head, sometimes, like this week, they all set up camp at the same time, wear their biggest fanciest hats, and have a tea party that seems to be half located in my brain and half located in my digestive system.

This week seemed to have me on a permanent state of alert. I had a big interview for a big grown-up job on Tuesday (which I didn't get,) I had big serious meetings, lots of questions from people about our engagement, only one day off last week, and my parents arrived on Wednesday. I had equal amounts of excitement, nerves, stress and joy coursing through my veins. This all equals a me that realized last night at dinner that she was forgetting to breathe!

But it's simply amazing what difference a night of good long sleep makes. I woke up this morning feeling philosophical about the job (obviously it wasn't meant to be,) excited about a day spent out with my parents, and rested for the first time in weeks. The tea party appears to have ended. They have all retired to their beds leaving the rational bit of my brain to sweep up the crumbs, empty and wash the glasses, and put away their hats. It doesn't mind being left to do the cleaning. It likes some space now and then.

P.S. I took this picture in Rome because I loved how it looked (and because I thought that it would be a picture that my friends who are photographers would be proud of me for taking - ha ha ha!) It felt like the right picture for today's post!

P.P.S. Susan P now T. if you are reading this - please email me! I've been trying to email you and I think I have an old address!!

Friday, July 06, 2007

past lives and scary snakes

I have had the strangest day. We went to a 'new age' festival. I use that term for lack of a better title. It smelled of incense, chai tea and hemp bags - there were people there with dreadlocks and briefcases - you could buy prayer bowls and Buddhas - you tell me if you can think of a better term for the day. We have gone other years and participated in money manifestation meditations, I have had a healing done, met my guardian angels, and bought some strange plants for our garden. This year we only signed up for one session. It was about past-life regression.

Now I will not get into what I believe or what you believe or if you think I was right to go on a session of this kind. I am fascinated with all aspects of energy and life and I love 'taster-sessions' about things, so this type of place is perfect for me. I get to have a look in without ignoring what I believe fundamentally. We went in and sat down and listened to the man doing the session for awhile. He then took us through a meditation to open our chakras and then lock them down. There were so many people in the room he said locking our energy in would be better.

I have said before how much trouble I have visualizing. When he took us through that first meditation I did fairly well. I am not sure if I did it right but whatever. After talking some more he began taking us through another meditation. I won't give you a play-by-play, but I did really well at first. I could actually see what he said I would see. When we got to a last door, I had a vivid impression of a huge serpent on the door. Just after I saw this he said that I would be meeting an animal guide that would help me find my way to my book. (I can't remember what the place was called but there is apparently a library in the astral plane that has each of our own personal books in it. In these books is written the story of our lives (all of them) and on them is written our spiritual name.) I was a bit shaken by the big scary snake apparently being my animal guide but I followed the snake through the door.

At this point the meditation got scary. I was supposed to come to a book - which I did - and I did see a name on the cover which shook me (I can't explain why, I'm not supposed to tell what that name is.) When I opened the book all I had in my head were scary images - long, dark blowing hair (like a mermaid's might look with pointy ends), scary faces, pointy Hallowe'en-y trees, etc. I was supposed to be seeing a 'past life' or something, but there was nothing like that. I was so shaken when he finally brought us out of it, I was physically shaking.

So if anyone reading this knows anything about any of this - help! What does it all mean??

P.S. THANK YOU for all of the kind wishes on our engagement! Put your thinking caps on - I am going to be asking for your creative advice!