Friday, July 27, 2007

long lost me!

(This photo is Mark and I on the 'Jurassic Coast' near Lyme Regis. It's a world heritage site, and as you can see, it's a lovely hot sunny summer here in the UK!)

I keep coming back here and saying how long it's been since I've been here. It's getting ridiculous. I really am going to try to get back on here more. I miss it. I find myself blogging in my head every now and then, and wondering what it going on with other bloggers. It's strange to care so much about people that you have never met.

I have been away from the computer for awhile because my parents were here for ten days. When they were gone it took me a couple of days to find my feet again. Before this trip I only missed them in Canada. Now I miss them here - does that make sense? So I was experiencing re-entry issues. I didn't want to be at work, I missed them, I was irritable and grouchy, these are all road blocks to a sunny blog post!

But I am also really tired of coming on here and complaining. I'm tired of coming on here and wishing that things were different. I am tired of coming on here and being inspired and having nothing come of it. I am tired of myself. I am so bored of myself I want to have someone pinch me and wake me up. My readership is dwindling and I tell myself that it is because I am never here, but maybe it's also because when I am here I am SO BORING. Blah blah, overweight, blah blah, not writing, blah blah homesick, blah blah don't want to go to work, blah blah blah blah blah BLAH.

Does anyone out there have that golden ticket? Does anyone out there know exactly what key I need to unlock that bit of my brain that won't let me KEEP ON doing the right things for me? What do I say to myself when I sit down to watch television instead of writing my book? What charm do I rub to get me to remember that staying where I am is actually scarier than taking a big brave leap? What song can I sing to myself that will charge me up like Maria in The Sound of Music to go running off, suitcase in one hand, creativity in another to meet my dreams?

I know that making a leap is actually a series of lots of little leaps and it's about making the decision over and over and over again. Wouldn't it be grand if we could just LEAP and that one choice would propel us out and into our lives, changing our attitudes and decisions forever? Wouldn't it be grand if the simple act of writing, "From now on things are going to be different!" in our journals could actually MAKE them different! Wouldn't it be grand if saying no to one cookie could make us able to eat healthily forever! Wouldn't it be grand if all it took to live creatively was to dip a single toe in that river. We would be swept away and all would be well. We could live in a swirl of glitter and ribbon and words and colour and abundant income. So come on, what's the magic word then? What will it be?

Life would be so much easier if I wanted to be ordinary.


chest of drawers said...

Oh my goodness, who wants to be ordinary anyway! Not having much time or energy to blog means you are using your time and energy living life, with all it´s ups and downs. I´m certainly not bored of you. I don´t have a magic potion but this is one of my favourite songs that always puts a smile on my face:

ruby said...

love this pic of you & your man, megg! and no, i never think of you as boring either. i wish i had something helpful to write, but alas, i just wanted to say that if you find out that secret word, let me know .

Kirsten Michelle said...

well haven't lost this reader!
i don't have the golden ticket, the perfect song, the magic word...but what i'd like to offer up is a sunny, summer care package...sent with love from me to you
email me at if you accept...which, of course you should ;-)

Colleen said...

Hi Meg!
I'm happy you had a good visit with your parents. I can totally understand missing them... mine are 2 hours away and I get the same way after a visit with them. Must be hard for you.
I've been bad at blogging too... darn facebook! he he
I have the song from "Footloose" in my head today... that sort of fits here... :o) All the best, hope you find your song girl!

Colorsonmymind said...

ahhhh life would be so much easier if I wanted to be ordinary. That is a quote I will be holding on to my love-

Your high standards for yourself make you interesting-I want to hear more about your hurts when you complain about you because I think you are so wonderful.

Maybe have some posts be like vision boards.

Tell us your dreams....spell them out-spill them in detail. Imagine.

I loved the image of Maria-Sound of Music is one of my favorite classics ever.

Love and snuggles bunny

Tori said...

I love your blog and everything you chose to write about!

Life would be easier if you wanted to be ordinary, but what a tragedy that would be...we are meant to strive for our wildest imaginings...

I am watching Miss Potter right now...I remember you enjoyed it a few months back and I got it because of you.

I love the photo..and as a side note...Mark has great glasses!

Eileen said...

Hi Megg,
Love the picture! I think you are thinking too much. When I start all of that thinking about myself, what am I doing wrong, how can I be different, I go on overload and my brain goes click, and shuts off, totally numb. You are beautiful the way you are, inside and out. Step back and breathe, relax and and take life as it comes. You note one of your first loves on your list of blogs is "be present, be here" and I think that somes it up. No magic, just be present and be here. I am glad you are here. Thanks for visiting me today! XOXO

Frida said...

When I got your comment I came rushing over here thinking - maybe Meg left us something good. And I was right. Will it be terrible if tell you I laughed out loud at this post? I heard my voice in there and it's a part of me I have to laugh at or I would strangle her sometimes.

I do have words - not magic words - but every day words like: "Now!" (said in a firm but not nasty tone, more cheerleader than schoolmarm) "Do this now and you will feel so much better", "Do this now and the next time will be a little bit easier". So "now" is one word I use every day. A tricky one for this very, very practised procrastinator...

Every day - that's the key, right? And the days when you don't, let them go, let them be, and then the next day say - "okay so now... "

When all else fails I always put on the soundtrack - there is a song for every moment, find it and you'll be halfway to doing it.

Missing family is tough, when (like this weekend) I have PMS I can't even email my friends and family at home without bawling my eyes out. I'm glad you have that gorgeous man to keep you company!

dreamergirl said...

*sigh* I wish I knew the answer. I feel like I have to let your words sink in, because your describe exactly the feeling that I feel right now.


Jessie said...

This post has me on the verge of tears. I didn't expect that to happen except that, well...I think you touched on some things that I've been feeling too.

Anyway...I was wondering if I could write you a nice long letter. I think that these days, in many ways, we are kindred spirits on a similar path. I would like to connect with you. Send me an email if you're willing to share your address!

Much love to you...and I gotta tell you that I really love EVERYTHING you write. I'm not kidding. You always have a way of inspiring me not to give up.


Anonymous said...

Oh Meg,
You are so far from ordinary and you never could be. And I think I knew that way before you put your hot, sweaty feet on my legs when I was on the phone sitting at our desk at LPV. And by the way Mike thinks you should write a book! HAHA! Love, The Taylors xoxo

daisies said...

'life would be so much easier if i wanted to be ordinary' ~ oh yes, can i relate to that but it would be so so very mundane wouldn't it?? i really relate to this post, especially today as i find myself back at work and immersed in the routines that fight against my inclinations ... hugs!