(This photo is Mark and I on the 'Jurassic Coast' near Lyme Regis. It's a world heritage site, and as you can see, it's a lovely hot sunny summer here in the UK!)
I keep coming back here and saying how long it's been since I've been here. It's getting ridiculous. I really am going to try to get back on here more. I miss it. I find myself blogging in my head every now and then, and wondering what it going on with other bloggers. It's strange to care so much about people that you have never met.
I have been away from the computer for awhile because my parents were here for ten days. When they were gone it took me a couple of days to find my feet again. Before this trip I only missed them in Canada. Now I miss them here - does that make sense? So I was experiencing re-entry issues. I didn't want to be at work, I missed them, I was irritable and grouchy, these are all road blocks to a sunny blog post!
But I am also really tired of coming on here and complaining. I'm tired of coming on here and wishing that things were different. I am tired of coming on here and being inspired and having nothing come of it. I am tired of myself. I am so bored of myself I want to have someone pinch me and wake me up. My readership is dwindling and I tell myself that it is because I am never here, but maybe it's also because when I am here I am SO BORING. Blah blah, overweight, blah blah, not writing, blah blah homesick, blah blah don't want to go to work, blah blah blah blah blah BLAH.
Does anyone out there have that golden ticket? Does anyone out there know exactly what key I need to unlock that bit of my brain that won't let me KEEP ON doing the right things for me? What do I say to myself when I sit down to watch television instead of writing my book? What charm do I rub to get me to remember that staying where I am is actually scarier than taking a big brave leap? What song can I sing to myself that will charge me up like Maria in The Sound of Music to go running off, suitcase in one hand, creativity in another to meet my dreams?
I know that making a leap is actually a series of lots of little leaps and it's about making the decision over and over and over again. Wouldn't it be grand if we could just LEAP and that one choice would propel us out and into our lives, changing our attitudes and decisions forever? Wouldn't it be grand if the simple act of writing, "From now on things are going to be different!" in our journals could actually MAKE them different! Wouldn't it be grand if saying no to one cookie could make us able to eat healthily forever! Wouldn't it be grand if all it took to live creatively was to dip a single toe in that river. We would be swept away and all would be well. We could live in a swirl of glitter and ribbon and words and colour and abundant income. So come on, what's the magic word then? What will it be?
Life would be so much easier if I wanted to be ordinary.