Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"May the Bird of Paradise Fly up Your Nose!"

So I had a lovely sentimental email all written in my head today. Lots of people I know are going through serious, sad and scary stuff. As a result of this and of my own dissatisfaction, I am feeling quite a tenseness in my throat and chest. I think that this means that I am not expressing how I am feeling properly. (All of my emotions get stuck in my digestive system, whether that be my stomach or my throat.) So I had a deep think about what I wanted to say and I decided I would write it when I got home tonight.

But then things changed.

All day today I have had ridiculous songs in my head. It began with an irate customer giving me grief. Usually I can remain calm as I 'fix it.' Today I was getting frustrated and out of nowhere I heard the chorus of an old song fill my head. As the man walked away I distinctly heard, "May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!"

Now usually I try very hard to make sure I have positive feelings for people. Most of the time at work I can find the calm center of a situation and use that to diffuse it. But today I was on the edge. I could feel my tenseness growing. But then there it was. A voice in my head. It saved my day and the unexpected ridiculousness of it made me grin from ear to ear.

So I cannot fix your problems or heal your sadness, but I can tell you what helped me a little today. When someone bothers you or angers you or frustrates you, try smiling at them and letting your eyes sparkle a little. Silently wish them well and then sing a little ditty at them in your head. It goes like this: "May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!"

I guarantee you'll feel better.

(May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose) - Lyrics

... and I'll write my sentimental post very soon, I promise.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A little love and kindness...

This is just a quick note to ask that you share some love and support and kindness with two dear friends of mine. Susannah and Thea are both going through an incredibly difficult time right now. If you have a moment, please stop by their sites and give them a few kind words. I know that they will appreciate them.


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

March Adventures

"Everything we do counts." - Caroline Myss

Hello there - no, I am not dead, nor have I fallen off of the face of the earth and unfortunately I can't say that I have spent the past month typing my fingers to the bone as my last post would have you believe. I have been writing and I have a beautiful outline written and various scenes and parts of my new book almost totally flushed out. I have felt slightly possessed in my writing this time. It's slightly cliched to say so but I truly feel like this book is being whispered in my ear. I find whole scenes and parts arriving on paper in front of me as quickly as my pencil will go. It's frustrating that this has also been one of the busiest and most stressful times I have ever had at work. But luckily this book wants to be written. It is coming to me whether I sit down to write it or not.

Other than this, Mark and I have also been on a few adventures this month! We spent a lovely day in Exeter and stopped off on the way there at an antiques and architectural reclamation yard. I am completely in love with a huge iron gate that they have for sale and I needed to go and take a sneaky photograph. (If you look on their website under 'Gates at Toby's, it's the Jungle gate.) The place is just teeming with incredible treasures: doors and fireplaces and huge old bathtubs, art deco tiles, and a jumble of miscellaneous strange items. They used to have a huge statue of a witch that I absolutely loved. You can't see it properly in this photograph but right now they have a pair of enormous dog statues for sale that clearly used to sit on either side of the driveway of a stately home. Amazing.

We also went out for lunch with Mark's family to a hotel called Lewtrenchard. I had never been somewhere where the waiters put your napkin on your lap for you before!! On our way home we decided to work off our rich lunch by climbing to visit Brentor church. Half-way up we met a lovely couple coming down. She told us that they had been wanting to climb up to the church for years but had never had time. Now, at 87, she had finally climbed all of the way to the top - and she was in heels!

And as if all of those adventures weren't enough, on Saturday I met an angel! I have been stewing in my own juices a little bit lately and I decided to go out for a walk. I usually go over the cliffs and down to a big beach near us, but on Saturday I was nearly over the cliffs when I felt really drawn back along a different path.

It was low tide so I was able to walk straight across the smaller beach. I was alone except for an elderly man and his dog. As our paths crossed he greeted me and drew my attention to a pair of nesting seagulls. His dog jumped up to greet me and the man told me that the dog's name was Lucky. We stood and talked for a few minutes about the day and about some other things he had seen on the beach. Then he smiled and called Lucky to follow him. I smiled back, feeling happier than I have felt in ages. As I walked away I realized that I could see Lucky's footprints on the beach but none from the man. There was one other set walking in the same direction as my own but none coming towards me. Could he have been an angel? I sure hope so!

Whew! So now we're caught up! I'll try to be here more often now that my world has calmed a little. And how have you been?

Monday, March 05, 2007

Well, it worked!!!

First off, I am sorry that I did not come back and fill you in on how my 21 Day Challenge ended, but that's because it ended with a flash of inspiration! During the last week or so of my challenge the universe began sending me 'prep' signals. (The kind of signs that you don't notice you are getting until you put them all together at the end.) And then a few days ago I had a jolt of inspiration and I started writing. The result of that jolt was that I haven't been able to think about anything else. I have become an anti-social, non-blogging obsessive and I am thrilled about it!

I am a firm believer in fate. I can trace my trip towards my relationship with Mark back through time as far as age 12. Seriously. I can point to decisions I made and relationships I had as stepping stones on the journey. It has really put nights of tears in perspective when I can see now that at the time they were vital to my journey. I have come to believe that every single choice we make is important - either to our own journey or to someone else's. The web that connects us staggers me.

But sometimes, I forget - often, in fact - and I get caught up in the day to day struggles and tears that can fog your perspective on life. I have been caught there lately. I have been making the same choices and the same mistakes over and over, questioning my future and running into the same wall like some sort-of forgotten wind-up toy. Luckily the universe never stops reminding us. It never stops giving us signs and signals if we can just learn to read and notice them.

Shortly before going to Bath I picked up 'The Red Book,' by Sera Beak again for a proper read. I have been savoring it slowly, taking the time to actually do some of the things that she suggests. Slowing down with a daily meditation has been so good for me. I have started paying attention again. When we went to the Roman Baths I was enchanted by the face that had once graced the top of the temple (the picture above.) I don't know who he was supposed to be, but he really captured me. If you look you can see that he has wings tangled in his hair. I am a sucker for secret wings.

So I started paying attention. Things began speaking to me and I remembered them or jotted them down. I didn't see why I was so taken with the image of the goddess Minerva. I didn't see why I was so drawn to another book, or why a story I had remembered from my childhood kept ringing in my ears. Then I was reading another part of 'The Red Book' and this sentence leaped off of the page at me: "And remember, it's not always about the choice you make but, rather, the reasons behind that choice." (pg 115) Suddenly, lightning struck. The pieces fell into place, and I was off.

So, dear readers, I am sorry if I am not here very often, but I am finally writing again and I don't want to stop while it wants to be written. It's making me tingle. It's making me feel nervous - like I shouldn't be the one to write this - and I know that that is a good sign. There is energy there, sizzling away under my fingers and out into the universe. Mark told me last night that I needed to make sure I wrote from my heart and not my head, and he's right. For the first time in a long time it is my heart that is winning the race to get words out. So I don't want to do anything but write them down.

"... when you play small, you are, in essence, denying the divine's grandness." - Sera Beak