Friday, February 16, 2007

As the Days Go By

"When sleeping women wake, mountains move." - Chinese Proverb

As I have been moving through my 21 Day Challenge I have felt an incredible array of emotions. Yesterday I was feeling so unhappy with myself and my ability to follow through with decisions and dreams that I was in the kind of tears that don't feel like they are ever going to stop. After a long talk with Mark, a good sleep and some reflecting, today I am feeling strong again, and back on the road to full dream-chasing recovery.

It's a hard thing - this intention to create change - when you see other people living up to their creative potential you compare yourself to who they are NOW. You don't see the days when they were in floods of tears, or the years when they wrote, "Today I am going to start..." over and over again in their journals. I don't think we share enough of the bumps in the road.

Today I wanted to share a book that has helped me over one big huge bump. I grew up in an interesting brew of religiousness. I've shared before that when I was born we lived at a summer camp. It was sponsored by the United Church. So my earliest spiritual upbringing involved singing about love and peace and friendship while sitting in the woods surrounded by people I loved. When I was a little older I went to church with my family, but spent most services sitting with my Grandfather drawing squiggle-pictures and eating Trident mints. God for me was always a place of love and family. But it was never cool to talk about God in real life, so I never discussed it with anyone.

I've re-written my next paragraph about 47 times now looking for the right words to explain some more about my spiritual leanings but it always comes out wrong. I guess what I want to say is that I was always nervous reading or talking about Religious People's ideas (capital R intentional!) So I kind of hid my own ideas deep deep down. You never know what people are going to come out with or what hornet's nest you are going to disturb when you bring up any sort of divinity talk. It became something I was working out on my own - what I thought, where my place was, what I believed in - and was constantly in a shifting pattern, moving towards what I could live with.

A few weeks ago I discovered "The Red Book" by Sera Beak. I read it in two days and felt a strange mixture of recognition, terror and excitement as I did. When I finished it, I am ashamed to say I put it down, ran away from it, and did lots of other things to keep myself from thinking too much about it. It resonated with me a bit too much. I was terrified of it. But it kept calling me from the bookshelf so I got it out again and started working my way back through it. If you have any interest in magic and spirituality and femininity and divinity and sexuality and colour and inspiration - read. this. book. It takes living juicy to the next level. It's Sparkling 101 for grown-ups, and Creative Inspiration for women (not girls!)

(And if you do get it and want to talk about it with someone - I'd love to!)

"... become a divine exhibitionist. Play more, laugh more, do things that make your spirit roar, that amplify all your senses and encourage others to smile. Love boldly. Make your spirituality brighter, your prayers more colorful, your life more refined and reflective. Not only make the divine see you, but make the divine want to lick your forehead and taste you. After all, it's not enough to merely notice the divinity in the oak tree or gorgeous sunset or in your feelings for your loved ones, or even in the mirror. You have to pray from such an honest and open and raw place in yourself that the divine eagerly wants to kneel at the alter of you."
- Sera Beak "The Red Book" pg 69.

12 comments:

Marilyn said...

OHMYGOD, I have to find this book! Thanks for sharing this. I am all about the 'divine spark'...hence this...

http://www.squidoo.com/divine_spark/

;)

Jessie said...

ooooh! that book does look juicy!!! being an ex-catholic school girl, it's probably just the sort of book i might fall in love with.

as for tears and bumps in the road...you are not alone, my dear. nope, not at all. in my own way, i'm walking a similar path along side you...struggles and all.

and when i think of it like in those terms, it feels like a pilgrimage (a writing/creating pilgrimage). perhaps it's good to stop once in awhile...to rest and share a loaf of bread with friends. re-energized we can continue on our strange adventures. and it feels good (for me anyway) to know that i'm not alone--and so thank you for these words. :)

Star said...

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say that too often we compare ourselves to others who appear to be at their ultimate destination and we feel so inadequate. Sharing the bumps along the way levels the playing ground and helps all of us to draw on each other for support and encouragement.

I hit a bump yesterday myself. I had planned to assess the items I've assembled so far to see if I need to continue culling images and text, if I've completely gone in the wrong direction, or if I'm ready to begin placing them on the background piece. Well, it didn't get done plain and simple and I don't feel a bit bad about it. I had a choice between working on my image board project or using my lunch time to drive home and get the antibiotics my husband forgot to take with him to work, and I chose the latter. I will make my assessment today and go from there.

Keep up the good work, Meg! I'm cheering you on.

Colorsonmymind said...

Oh that quote gave me tingles.

I think I would enjoy that book.

Thanks for sharing how you felt yesterday. I have been having a rough couple of days and it is nice to be shifted to remember that the process is tough in some ways for most everyone.

Love you girl.
XOXO

Amber said...

Wow. --"You don't see the days when they were in floods of tears, or the years when they wrote, "Today I am going to start..." over and over again in their journals. I don't think we share enough of the bumps in the road."--

How true that is! I love to read or hear about people who didn't hit their stride until later in life, because it gives me hope and helps me lighten up on myself.

That book sounds like something I would like very much... Thank you.

:)

la vie en rose said...

this book has been on my amazon wish list ever since artsymama mentioned it on her blog several months ago. i think i'm gonna order it because your description of it is so...well...so ME...

la vie en rose said...

ps--2 more things...

1--if your description didn't sell me the fact that she used the word roar (my word!) did

2--i just remember a post a wrote a LONG time ago where i used a poem by Rabia (an eastern mystic) about god worshiping us...yeah, i got my 1st ugly annonymous comment with that one...the person called me a blasphemer...ah well...they totally missed it...

Swirly said...

I think it is such an important message to remind people that every single human being that has made a dream real had to start in the exact same place - the beginning. And that place is challenging for everyone in its own way.

I am going to order that book immediately and forward your entry to my best friend. Thank you for sharing this.

Letha Sandison said...

I have been reading The Alchemist and a quote struck me, "life is about falling down 7 times and getting up 8". He talks a lot about the struggle to realize your dreams, how everyone faces ups and downs.

I think you are having growing pains as you move along your path my love. As we all do. I know you will accomplish all you have set out to do. I believe in you!

XOXOXOX

M said...

You can do it!!!!! You are always an inspiration to me....

chest of drawers said...

I´m glad you mentioned the topic of religion as it seems to be on everyone´s mind at the moment. It´s tough to find out what you believe in, what´s right for you and what will give you wings to get through the ups and downs. I have had phases where all I could think about was if there was a life after death and what my purpose here is - the catholic church I grew up with didn´t give me the answers I needed. After reading a book called "Message from Forever" by Marla Morgan I found the 10 "should do" commandments at the end of the book and they made sense to me. I wrote about them here: http://chestofdrawers.blogspot.com/2006/11/whats-my-creed.html. I still have trouble with a couple of them but I´m working on it.

Karen said...

OOOOHHHhhhhh sounds like an awesome book!! I need to check it out!! :) xoxoxo thanks for sharing your journey.