First off, I am sorry that I did not come back and fill you in on how my 21 Day Challenge ended, but that's because it ended with a flash of inspiration! During the last week or so of my challenge the universe began sending me 'prep' signals. (The kind of signs that you don't notice you are getting until you put them all together at the end.) And then a few days ago I had a jolt of inspiration and I started writing. The result of that jolt was that I haven't been able to think about anything else. I have become an anti-social, non-blogging obsessive and I am thrilled about it!
I am a firm believer in fate. I can trace my trip towards my relationship with Mark back through time as far as age 12. Seriously. I can point to decisions I made and relationships I had as stepping stones on the journey. It has really put nights of tears in perspective when I can see now that at the time they were vital to my journey. I have come to believe that every single choice we make is important - either to our own journey or to someone else's. The web that connects us staggers me.
But sometimes, I forget - often, in fact - and I get caught up in the day to day struggles and tears that can fog your perspective on life. I have been caught there lately. I have been making the same choices and the same mistakes over and over, questioning my future and running into the same wall like some sort-of forgotten wind-up toy. Luckily the universe never stops reminding us. It never stops giving us signs and signals if we can just learn to read and notice them.
Shortly before going to Bath I picked up 'The Red Book,' by Sera Beak again for a proper read. I have been savoring it slowly, taking the time to actually do some of the things that she suggests. Slowing down with a daily meditation has been so good for me. I have started paying attention again. When we went to the Roman Baths I was enchanted by the face that had once graced the top of the temple (the picture above.) I don't know who he was supposed to be, but he really captured me. If you look you can see that he has wings tangled in his hair. I am a sucker for secret wings.
So I started paying attention. Things began speaking to me and I remembered them or jotted them down. I didn't see why I was so taken with the image of the goddess Minerva. I didn't see why I was so drawn to another book, or why a story I had remembered from my childhood kept ringing in my ears. Then I was reading another part of 'The Red Book' and this sentence leaped off of the page at me: "And remember, it's not always about the choice you make but, rather, the reasons behind that choice." (pg 115) Suddenly, lightning struck. The pieces fell into place, and I was off.
So, dear readers, I am sorry if I am not here very often, but I am finally writing again and I don't want to stop while it wants to be written. It's making me tingle. It's making me feel nervous - like I shouldn't be the one to write this - and I know that that is a good sign. There is energy there, sizzling away under my fingers and out into the universe. Mark told me last night that I needed to make sure I wrote from my heart and not my head, and he's right. For the first time in a long time it is my heart that is winning the race to get words out. So I don't want to do anything but write them down.
"... when you play small, you are, in essence, denying the divine's grandness." - Sera Beak