Saturday, July 14, 2007

too many layers

"Whatever has happened to us has contributed to us." - SARK

I am a worrier. I am a worrier, a planner, a bag of nerves, and a internal-freaker-outer. But I am also a coper. I am also a rationalizer, a deal-with-it-er, and a fix-er. While all of these sides of my personality have their moment in my head, sometimes, like this week, they all set up camp at the same time, wear their biggest fanciest hats, and have a tea party that seems to be half located in my brain and half located in my digestive system.

This week seemed to have me on a permanent state of alert. I had a big interview for a big grown-up job on Tuesday (which I didn't get,) I had big serious meetings, lots of questions from people about our engagement, only one day off last week, and my parents arrived on Wednesday. I had equal amounts of excitement, nerves, stress and joy coursing through my veins. This all equals a me that realized last night at dinner that she was forgetting to breathe!

But it's simply amazing what difference a night of good long sleep makes. I woke up this morning feeling philosophical about the job (obviously it wasn't meant to be,) excited about a day spent out with my parents, and rested for the first time in weeks. The tea party appears to have ended. They have all retired to their beds leaving the rational bit of my brain to sweep up the crumbs, empty and wash the glasses, and put away their hats. It doesn't mind being left to do the cleaning. It likes some space now and then.

P.S. I took this picture in Rome because I loved how it looked (and because I thought that it would be a picture that my friends who are photographers would be proud of me for taking - ha ha ha!) It felt like the right picture for today's post!

P.P.S. Susan P now T. if you are reading this - please email me! I've been trying to email you and I think I have an old address!!


ceanandjen said...

Those days are so overwhelming. I am glad to hear that you have woken up on with a clearer head and perspective. Enjoy your time with your parents!


Eileen said...

You are a great writer!! I feel like this often, but could never put it into words as perfectly as you did. Thanks for making me smile!

Karen said...

Meg-I miss you! I wish I could come over for a tea party of our own (a fun one) and not talk about anything 'important' and then go for a swim in the (non-seeweed section of the) sea. Say hello to your parents for me :) Tell them to have some Pimms and nibbles on the terrace for me!!

Frida said...

You are gorgeous - this is such a wonderful description of a feeling I know well. Boy does that good night sleep make a difference. I'm very glad you got one!

Michelle (a.k.a. la vie en rose) said...

i am proud honey...very proud!

Amber said...

Oh boy. That whole first paragraph could be about me!! You have no idea! My husband often asks me how one person could be so together and grounded, and such a FREAK at the same time? LOL! I ask him, how do you think it feels to be in my head?

Sorry about the job. But you are right. Something else is out there for you.


Cate said...

So many things to say here--first, congrats. on your engagement! I am so happy for you and Mark, and you both look gorgeous and happy in your pictures in previous posts! The description of your trip made me long for spontaneity, chilled wine, cold showers, and the excitement that accompanies a life altering event (such as . . . an engagement!).

I'm glad that the tea party has ended--some celebrators just don't know when to call it a night--and you are breathing again. Your writing was beautiful!

I'm also glad that you have come to terms with not getting the job. Bigger and better things are in store, I'm tellin' you! xo

P.S. You'd left a comment about my new blog address. If you still want it, do you mind emailing me: it's lilhammie(at)comcast(dot)net. Thanks!

deirdre said...

I've been at that tea party too! But my partiers aren't very well behaved.

So glad you're getting a little break and a good visit with your parents. Have fun. And breathe.

Anonymous said...

I just love you! You always make me smile and sometimes you just make me thoughtful! Our address is We just changed it. I can't wait to hear from you. Have fun with your parents.
Love, Sue

Colorsonmymind said...

Hi Lovie-
I so love this photo-fabulous!

I tend to worry too.

I am glad you saw the lighter side of things-hope the visit with your parents is terrific.

Love you

Tori said...

I love that you are able to share perspective here. Please know that I, and I suspect, so many of us, in the crazy blog world can really relate to all that goes on in someones head. I read your words and nod until my neck gets tired in agreement.

Susannah said...

LOl - the first thing i thought was - ooh, what a fab photo :-)

isn't it about time you sent me chapter two? hint hint xx

Maddie said...

i love your photo - it is gorgeous :)

have a beautiful day:)

Boho Girl said...

talking to you is one of my favorite things to do...LOVED our convo today.

this IS a beautiful shot honey. the colors, compositons, YUM. well done...; )

i love you.

Kirsten Michelle said...

just checking in to see what...if anything is new...
thought i'd leave a little note to let you know i was thinking about it ;-)
hope you're doing well.

Anil P said...

. . . and what has contributed to us has happened to others!