The last few times I have posted I have done it with a lump forming in my throat. It's not that I am sad, or even very unhappy, it's more that I have felt like I was lying a little bit. I've been trying to write about other things when all I want to say is how much I am missing at home. I'm actually boring myself going on about how homesick I am, so I am going to get it all out right here, right now.
I keep getting home 'flashes.' I'll be going about my day and I will suddenly get a vivid picture in my head of somewhere in Canada. It's unusual for me because I have real problems with visualization. If you asked me to picture somewhere in my head, I can't do it. I can feel a place, smell a place, or know a place but I can't make a visual image in my brain. But it's that brain that seems to be determined to make me 'see' home.
Last week I had a flash of a sushi restaurant I have been to a few times with my friend Karen. I was absolutely there for a moment. Other times it has been the intersection at Lansdowne street, my Mom's office, a bookstore, a coffee shop. I will be there for a moment and then I'll be back here again, filled with longing for home and sad that I can't capture that moment again on my own. I wish I could figure out what my brain is doing to me.
So please humour me while I make a list - a partial list - of the things and places that I am thinking of and missing. I'm not putting many people in it because then I'll cry and that won't be productive at all.
* a Tim Horton's 'everything' bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese
* driving through Peterborough and going to Chapters (and the attached Starbuck's)
* the fall colours that I know are happening
* my niece who is being Christened next weekend in the dress that I was Christened in
* Thanksgiving this weekend & the big family dinner
* anything and everything cooked by my Mom (today my hankering is for a Dutch dish I can't pronounce on here involving mashed potatoes and huge meatballs!)
* the feeling of space around you
* a coffee shop on every single corner of every single road
* convenience stores (yes, it's a weird thing to miss but I do.)
* sushi with friends
* fitting in (not being asked, "So where are you from?")
* shopping malls - big ones (is that shallow?)
* my family & friends (and several babies of friends who are growing up quickly!)
* Wendy's hamburgers
* my VERY favorite band is playing in concert in Toronto in October. (amended later - I might get to see them afterall somewhere else!)
* having breakfast with my parents
* time alone in office supply stores (we live in a very small village here!)
* t.v. series that start in October and finish in the spring
* a restaurant in Peterborough called, "Hot Belly Mama's" that makes the best sweet potato french fries!
* my books - although I am slowly ferreting the collection over here it's still pretty massive over there
* the slightly northern southern Ontario landscape
There's lots more but I will leave it there. I don't want to sound like I don't like it here, because I do - I'm just missing where I am from.