Thursday, October 02, 2008

All of me.

"For a long time, she flew only when she thought no one else was watching."
- Brian Andreas

I spent a few minutes with myself this morning. I have a series of books that I call my "Anything Books." They are hard-backed, lined notebooks in different colours and I have been filling them with anything for 18 years. They are filled with quotes, cards, poems, photographs, anything that I thought was something that I wanted to keep safe.

Caught up in a swirl of wedding preparation, I have been feeling off-kilter and I didn't really appreciate why. I opened one of these books today looking for a quote and I was confronted by my self. I remember so much of putting things into these books. I remember how I felt when I glued in a picture of my grandparents or stuck in a sticker from my favorite band. The older book is written in pink or purple pen and is full of stickers and SARK quotes written in the same colours SARK used. The newer one is slightly more reserved in shades of green and black, but the pictures and cards and quotes are the same - things, people and sentiments that I have loved - and it still speaks in the same way. "Here I am, this is who I am." I didn't understand at the time that I was creating myself. I understand it now.

I realized this morning that there is one thing I have left out of the preparation. I have forgotten to spend a little bit of time with the dreaming girl that I was. Most of the romance of the day is about her after all! I am going to be sleeping alone the night before the wedding and I think that she and I will have a little date. I need to whisper in the dark and tell her that she really did find her prince charming, and that reality of him is so much better than she ever thought. I need to tell her that falling in love is easier than we thought back then, and that every mistake and choice that we cried about brought us here - and here is good. I need to tell her that thanks to her message today, I will remember that being in love is the whole point.

That's it. We're off on the wedding weekend! Love to you all, and I will see you when I am a Mrs.

"For angels and lovers, everything sparkles." - Marianne Williamson (from my second Anything Book)


Elizabeth Harper said...

“ There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved” -George Sand

Best wishes for a wonderful day and a long and happy life together.

Colleen said...

So exciting!!!! My girls love to dress-up in white dresses and pretend to get married... I have strict orders to take lots of pictures of you in your pretty dress for them to see. I love that you're taking the time to look back and realize how special this all is. I often wish I could go back and let my old insecure teenage self know it was all going to turn out in the end. See you the day after tomorrow!!!!!

chest of drawers said...

Darling Megg, have a wonderful day and may it be the first of many. I´ll be thinking of you.

Shalet said...


Vivienne said...

your words are so wonderful miss meg.

"I need to whisper in the dark and tell her that she really did find her prince charming, and that reality of him is so much better than she ever thought."

that part got me all teary.

sending you so much goodness, deep breaths and big cheers to who you are, were and will become.

Anonymous said...

i love the idea of your anything books, meg, and i am wishing you all of the happiness in the world...xoxo


amy said...

megg, i don't know you but i hope you have a wonderful day! the way you describe your world is just lovely.

pERiWinKle said...

may the angels carry you two lovers on a carpet of glitters into your 'in love' future!

glad your spending some time with precious!

have fun! xx

pink sky said...

i love the idea of your anything books! how special they must be. i hope you embrace your dreaming girl this weekend and collect every drop of joy to keep forever. happy wedding day! *hugs*

Brandi said...

when you see him for the first time on your big day-you'll feel that romance. for sure. :-)

Anonymous said...

wow- what a wonderful post. I hope you have a lovely (and happy wedding) - it sounds like you truly deserve it!!!!


pen* said...

today is the day. thinking of you and hoping that every second is magical xx

Amber said...

Congratulations beautiful soul! I know it will be golden.

oxoxox :)

bee said...

ooh, meggies, i was thinking about you this weekend. i can't wait to see pictures...i hope it was as heavenly as you and mark hoped it would be....and as you deserve

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, hope you had a special day.
may you always listen to each other and love like no other.

Jaime said...

I too, love the idea of an everything book. I have too many journals that are designated for specific things that ultimately never get used!

Would it be ok if I borrowed your idea??

Oh Meg, I so wish I had been here to wish you love and magic and all things *love* before your big day.

But I can still wish you all these things, even if it is after the wedding!