"For a long time, she flew only when she thought no one else was watching." - Brian Andreas
I spent a few minutes with myself this morning. I have a series of books that I call my "Anything Books." They are hard-backed, lined notebooks in different colours and I have been filling them with anything for 18 years. They are filled with quotes, cards, poems, photographs, anything that I thought was something that I wanted to keep safe.
Caught up in a swirl of wedding preparation, I have been feeling off-kilter and I didn't really appreciate why. I opened one of these books today looking for a quote and I was confronted by my self. I remember so much of putting things into these books. I remember how I felt when I glued in a picture of my grandparents or stuck in a sticker from my favorite band. The older book is written in pink or purple pen and is full of stickers and SARK quotes written in the same colours SARK used. The newer one is slightly more reserved in shades of green and black, but the pictures and cards and quotes are the same - things, people and sentiments that I have loved - and it still speaks in the same way. "Here I am, this is who I am." I didn't understand at the time that I was creating myself. I understand it now.
I realized this morning that there is one thing I have left out of the preparation. I have forgotten to spend a little bit of time with the dreaming girl that I was. Most of the romance of the day is about her after all! I am going to be sleeping alone the night before the wedding and I think that she and I will have a little date. I need to whisper in the dark and tell her that she really did find her prince charming, and that reality of him is so much better than she ever thought. I need to tell her that falling in love is easier than we thought back then, and that every mistake and choice that we cried about brought us here - and here is good. I need to tell her that thanks to her message today, I will remember that being in love is the whole point.
That's it. We're off on the wedding weekend! Love to you all, and I will see you when I am a Mrs.
"For angels and lovers, everything sparkles." - Marianne Williamson (from my second Anything Book)