"Metamorphosis isn't always pretty but it is always awesome and absolutely essential." - Oprah
I'm not sure why I haven't been here in so long. I have started to write a post a few times, but I couldn't get past the title. I have felt quiet and still and even now, faced with the prospect of beginning to write again, I feel like I am hesitating on the shore; dipping my toes in to test the waters before I commit myself.
I know how things get around here at the turn of the year. Everyone goes all hog-wild picking theme words, making or not making resolutions, thanking the previous year and making lists of their wildest dreams. I have done some of those things privately this year, but I did not have the energy to share them.
It feels different this time. I feel like my resolutions came with a different sort of sigh this year. Other years I have sighed as I have written, 'lose weight' and 'write my book.' That sigh was one of resignation: I'll never do this, why do I bother? This year it was a soft sigh of determination. It was a soft breath of knowing that I can and I will complete what I have started. I feel both softer and stronger now. Clearer. I know what I want and I know that I just need to work hard to get there. Every decision just has to be weighed: will this choice bring me closer to or further away from what I want and who I am? And then I have to live with the consequences of my choice.
It's funny how a profound lightness of purpose caused such a heavy sounding post. It's actually quiet and determined and joyful over here. It's just all percolating on the inside for now. My goal for 2009? Clear focus. "I know like I know like I know."
So help me catch up - what's your goal for 2009?