Sunday, July 26, 2009

Light Dawns...

"It's time to start living the life you've imagined." - Henry James

At some point in the past, my monkey-brain set out a list of rules and regulations for me. Despite numerous attempts to change, I have been frustrated over and over again when I slipped back into old ways of being. I had tried to change the tapes, why was the song always the same?

Yesterday I realized that it is not the tapes I was aware of that are the problem. I was blessed with an unexpected whole day of solitary confinement (quarantined for possible Swine Flu) and spent it sorting out my office. In the reorganization, I came across two things. One was the folder I had put together shortly after reading The Success Principles, and the other was a mass of composting pages covered in inspiration.

My copy of The Success Principles is dog-eared and fiercely underlined. I really believed as I read it that I would do it - and then I didn't. Disappointment with myself always sets me back. At the time I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me - why couldn't I just do what I knew needed doing to get where I wanted to be? Why do I never follow through with a plan? Obviously I am just lazy.

My pile of inspiration is also dog-eared and underlined. Some sheets are nearly transparent from being folded and unfolded so many times. Notes from workshops, quotes, e-mail, e-books, affirmations and motivations all come to the top of the pile every time I clean, and then just go right back into the pile. Even as I sat on the floor and sorted, the folder went on one side of me and the inspiration went on the other.

That's when light dawned. For some reason all of this time I have believed that the business-focused-driven parts of myself couldn't co-exist with the inspirational, magical side. As I sat there I realized that I did not value or even acknowledge all of the parts of myself. I realized that I can't focus on hard-nosed, serious goals. I am not that person, no matter how much I would like to be. It does not mean that I am lazy. It means that I am different, and I need to do things in a way that works for me.

So I created a folder that encompasses all of who I am on this path. I have a space for goals and a space for inspiration. I have created an ultimate goal and using all of my inspirational tools, I can create smaller, meaningful and do-able goals to create happiness in my life. The upside of it all is that after years of trying to write a mission statement, one came to me loud and clear and simple the minute I had finished putting it all together (I'm not going to tell you yet!)

So it seems that my monkey-brain was right all along. I was doing it wrong, but it was because I wasn't working with all that I am. Hopefully now that I've got it all working under the same cover, it'll be a book worth writing in.

P.S. The photograph of me was taken by Susannah. I like the determination she captured!


Marianne said...

That sounds like a really significant realisation! One of the most profound lessons of meditation for me has been to let go of ideas of how I should be and of efforts to change or improve myself and instead find the space in my heart to accept all that I am, and then simply settle in to keep company with all of it. Perversely, that seems to be when things start changing for me!

Cafe Pasadena said...

Many can understanding what you're saying here. It's easy to fall into the temptation of simply reading, talking, dreaming, & planning about something BUT never really doing it. Walking the Talk is much more difficult bcuz we never start the walk.

M, great stuff here as usual!

Hybrid J said...

Such an inspired post!

I almost jumped right out of my chair as I read: "why couldn't I just do what I knew needed doing to get where I wanted to be? Why do I never follow through with a plan? Obviously I am just lazy."

You just helped me to understand why I have not been able to do what I knew had to be done to live the life I want ...

Thank you soooo much for sharing this amazing experience of yours! :)

Amber said...

I saw that picture, and thought OH! She is so beautiful. ;)

And once again, I heeeaar you! I have the same folders, I bet. I found one when I was packing today. lol

Anonymous said...

same here..been thinking of changing my ways a thousand times and yet still find myself on the same path..and at times, on paths I promised I'll never be in again.

I totally agree with you, in achieving our dreams, we have to completely work with who we are..coz we're individual and that actually what makes us special.

our biggest challenge I see is overcoming our laziness, procrastination and daydreams..have to force ourself to act act aim act act aim...that's the utmost ways we can truly say we're working on our goals.

nice post..all the power to your blog :D


daisies said...

powerful stuff ... good stuff ... this makes me smile for you, xo said...

I love this post! Letting go is definitely the way to go. :-)

Jolie said...

Thanks so much for sharing your insight! These are the very things I am thinking about lately, too.

I'm so glad you commented and led me to your blog-- you're right, we do have so many threads in common-- I love those bits of synchronicity!

Jessie said...

My first thought in seeing your photo was: "I can't believe I have such beautiful friends!" Yes, you are truly a beauty, Meg.

My second thought was that I wish you could come and help me sort through my office. Oh, seriously! But, since you can't thank you for sharing your insight. My brain feels a bit muddled with piles right now. I am beginning to understand that working my way through this muddle is going to take some time. Decluttering and getting my finances in order is a whole lot like losing weight. It takes time and commitment. But mostly it requires a cellular shift. Oh, I have so many thoughts! I wish I could be talking with you right now!

Brandi said...

love this post. I am currently exploring what the unconscious beliefs in the back of my brain are and this has been a very comforting and inspiring post for me.

thank you!