"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." - Confucious
This morning I posted a poem by Shel Silverstein about running the world. I feel like I need to write a little bit more about my reasons for choosing it. Last night Mark made some funny comment about me being 'in control.' My response to what he'd said shocked me. I said something to the effect of, "No. I pretend to be in control, I want to be in control, but in fact I am completely not in control." It doesn't sound like anything written here, but it hit me really really hard.
I am a bit of a control freak. I am a real worrier. I'm the girl who needs to be at the airport 4 hours early. Not only that but I usually know which desk I need to go to for check in. I have to check that the doors are locked before I go to bed, and I drive Mark crazy asking what we are going to have for dinner hours (sometimes a whole day) before any normal person would want to know. I need to know what's going on. I need to feel like I am in control.
But there's more to the story. If I need control so badly, why is it that I can't stick to a healthy eating plan? Why is it so darn hard to get up in the morning and go for a run? Why can't I sit at a desk and get some writing done? Why do I put off doing laundry until it is climbing out of the hamper? Why does it take me so long to respond to email? What is wrong with me??
Why do we pick and choose the things that we can control? Why can we make ourselves do some things and not others? Why are we so hard on ourselves over the small things we aren't doing when we are doing so many other things well? How can we learn to be gentle with ourselves without adding even more stress? How can I learn to be more in control of the important things and to let the other things go?
Sigh. Sorry, another big question!
P.S. Further to my "I'd like to move it, move it" post - my Race is on Sunday! Wish me luck!!