Thursday, December 27, 2007

into my pail

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss


I had "one of those days" yesterday. Things have been strange and difficult here so yesterday I finally dropped out. I had one of those days when I put on clean pajamas in the morning and then go right back to bed. I read Oprah, ate soup, napped, but mostly found myself staring off into space for vast stretches of time. I haven't had a day like this for ages. If I paid attention I could literally hear the index cards falling into place as my mind filed and sorted through the accumulated bunf that has been filling my head lately. I felt sorry for myself, I cried, I sighed, I understood, I held my breath and at some point in the evening I came up for air.

I'm writing this because there are people out there who read blogs and think that other people have it all together. There are people out there who compare their dark sides to the sunlit sides that we allow ourselves to put out into the world. Sometimes life gets too hard, but hard is important in our stories too.

Today I am feeling a little better. My Mom calls days like that "going into your pail" after the character on Star Trek who used to have to go into a pail to regenerate every once in a while. Sometimes we need to retreat into our pail and let our filing system get to work. I'm going to spend some time with my oldest friends tonight. That's another kind of regeneration. Between the two I should be ready by tomorrow to take on the world again.

xo

16 comments:

chocolate covered musings said...

i agree. hard is definitely as important. otherwise one would be a two-dimensional character that no reader could ever get to know fully.

i like the term "going into your pail". that's great. i might just have to use it myself next time i have one of those days (because i sure do have them too).

thanks for sharing. for inspiring me to share more about my darker side as it appears. thanks for being real.

Maddie said...

I love my pajama days.

with my chai and books and magazines
and quiet moody mode:)

(hugs sweetie - hope you had
a fabulous Chritmas)

Periwinkle said...

and wherever you are...we are all right next to you...have fun with your friends...the best thing about old friends is that you don't have to feel that you have explain everything again...xx

Marilyn said...

Meg, please know you're not alone. I was so far in it yesterday that I think mine was more of a bucket than a pail. ;) And it was sunny outside! I STILL couldn't bring myself to get up and get dressed. But after the sun went down, I dressed, went for a walk to get some air and snapped a few photos. Because I'm participating in December Views, what I'm putting on my blog is probably seeming quite lopsided...nice (I hope) images...but not conveying the darkness on the flip side. And it's ALL okay...the darkness is to be embraced as much as the light. Hope today is better for you. xoxo

Dandelion seeds said...

you know, I've had a couple of overwhelming days, adjusting to Keely and I wasn't going to write about it for the very reasons you said.

you've left change my perspective.

thank you.

daisies said...

i had one of these days too ...

enjoy your time with your friends :) hugs! xox

Tess said...

Hi Megg, thank you for visiting and leaving me such a sweet comment. Your post has left me thinking, it's what I tend to do at times as well, it's all about reflecting in a way isn't it? I share your thoughts about the 'hard part', I believe it makes you appreciate the 'easy' part' better...

I hope you found the regeneration you needed and send a hug your way!

mccabe said...

i understand this need so well.
i am glad you were gentle and gave yourself exactly what you needed. :)

(&for that you get a gold star with glitter.)

sending love
to you...

mccabe x

Heather said...

Sigh - good old Odo! I'm going to use that analogy from now on - going into my pail! It sounds so much better than anything else you one can come up with. Nothing like a good old purge once in awhile too - hope it has left your system for the time being until it is time to once again, go into your pail!

Tori said...

I spent the last few weeks going into my pail (I love that expression) every night after work. It is so so necessary and important and I think the more that people profess that they take this time then the less we will feel like it is taboo. Good for you! I save my favorite articles from the Oprah magazine in a binder.

Jennifer/The Word Cellar said...

I needed to read this today: "I'm writing this because there are people out there who read blogs and think that other people have it all together. There are people out there who compare their dark sides to the sunlit sides that we allow ourselves to put out into the world."

Thank you. It makes me feel less like a lonely freak! :)

Amber said...

"Sometimes life gets too hard, but hard is important in our stories too."---

Thank you for this.

We all have days like this, sweets. And I have been in my jammies for DAYS now. lol!

:)

chest of drawers said...

In my pail I have a cosy blanket, lots of books and some favourite music...I am sure that learning, growing and moving forward cannot happen without regular visits.

Jamie said...

Sometimes this is just exactly what you need. It's amazing how sometimes your spirit will say, "Uh, pail. Now!" I totally love that image of "going into your pail." My mom always called it a mental health day. Moms know what's going on!

And while I'm here I just want to tell you how much I love, love, love seeing your beautiful, smiling face in your banner. Gorgeous, welcoming and wonderful!

Colorsonmymind said...

I too have been in the pail.

You are so real love-it is such a ray of light.

Hugs and love
miss you
XO

caroline : my pocket said...

Hi Megg :) I've been enjoying reading your blog for a while now, time to say something. This post was lovely, so real. I had a pajama day yesterday, they're so important in my life. Thank you for sharing xoxo