Monday, July 10, 2006

dipping my toes back in!

"God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you have two wings to fly, not one."

- ­ Rumi

Hello there! I am finally back!!

My trip home was full-to-bursting with family and friends and food! I truly had a wonderful time. A week flew by! And I am determined that someday soon I will have enough money to be able to afford to fly in a more intelligent way. I spent about 3 days travelling in the end, and the flights were only about 7 hours each... travelling is really about 'hurry up and wait.' I love the getting there, but the journey is exhausting!!

It's strange - I have been back for a couple of days but I have been really hesitating coming back on here. I have no idea why. I feel like somehow I need to have something to SAY, which is rubbish really. I felt this way at the very beginning of my blogging journey. I hesitated for a long long time before finally starting. I feel the same way now - nervous and unsure. I have felt cocooned in my trip home. I went through a wide range of emotions in the past two weeks. I was deeply torn in many ways. I spent time yearning for a chance to live in Canada again. My dream is to have a house on a lake near my family. I want to be able to watch my niece and my friend's daughter grow up. I want to spend more time with family and friends. I want to be back in the arms of my support system.

But then I also found myself longing for England (and Mark!) I love our lifestyle here. We completely play by our own rules. If I hadn't moved to the UK with Mark I have no doubt that I would be teaching and probably still not writing. Instead I am writing and helping to create something. We are following our dreams, however difficult those paths are. We live in our little flat by the sea. Sigh. I think that I need to realize that being torn is going to be a part of my life. We'll figure it all out someday.

I am looking forward to getting back in touch. Now that I have dipped my toes back into blogging, I remember how much I like it! YAY! I think I am BACK!!



Dana said...

It's hard for me to blog again once I've been away from it.

la vie en rose said...

welcome home girlfriend! it's good to hear from you. i'm so glad you had a good time and hope you are simply stuffed with goodness.

i often get the same way about blogging. i try to show up and blog everyday but some days i question if what i'm blogging about is "worthy." like you i know that is nonsense but sometimes it gets the better of me.

i love that quote by rumi. i've never read it before. it's wonderful.

Alexandra S said...

Welcome home Megg! I have checked in here many times to see if you are back yet! I'm so glad you had the chance to go home and have your inner bucket of homesickness emptied a bit. Perhaps in the future you can have a flat in each place, and you two can spend half your time in England and half in Canada? I can relate to the torn feelings. I am torn between Portland and my family in LA, and then my soul is torn between the States as its my home country and about ten thousand other places I long to be again or for the first time, from Bulgaria to India to Zambia to Portugal to of course, coming to visit you ! I missed you and am glad you're back safe and sound.

M said...

Yeah! So glad you're back!! And that you had a good time at home. I think you will find a way to be in both places and get all you want and need, it is possible! Hope the jet lag isn't too bad.

Susannah said...

Hey sweetie - so glad you're back, i've missed you! now you're back in blighty we need to sort out a get-together, so we can carry on where we left off in London (i said the same to Letha - we had such a great day didn't we ;-)

ps where are the photos? we need photos of Canada!

tara dawn said...

I am so glad that you are back darlin, and so happy for you that you had such a lovely visit home. I suppose "feeling torn" is part of all of our lives in so many ways...but it is a difficult struggle, more some days than others.
I have missed you and will email you soon (I know I'm horrible about it...though I think of you often).
Ok well, enjoy your flat by the sea, your writing, and the beauty of each moment.
Sending so much love,

melba said...

Glad to have you back!

Tongue in Cheek Antiques said...

Welcome back, we can never stand in one place after our feet have made a home in two. The missing game is a hard one to play, the ebb and flow of coming and going, here and there is not easy.
Readjustment, be gentle with yourself!

deirdre said...

Welcome home! Homesickness is so painful, especially when it's for two places. Sounds like you're living in a perfect place.

Jennifer said...

I have those same feelings about getting back into to blogging after the vacation. It feels strange somehow. Nice to have you back :)

liz elayne said...

so glad you are back. dipping your toes in again.
"living in our flat by the sea"
meg, that sounds beyond romantic my friend. as though you really are following your dreams.
i hope you feel some peace as you get back to it all...

Jessie said...

Welcome back Meg! I missed you and getting to read your blog. Just a guess--but maybe you needed some time to process all of those emotions before you were ready to share them with the rest of us. Anyhoo, I'm glad you had such a good trip home. I feel exhausted just thinking about that much travel in such a short amount of time!

Rest up now. :)

chiefbiscuit said...

I know that feeling of bloging again after a rest - it's like creaking back into action again. Welcome back!

Jamie said...

Welcome home! I'm so glad you had a wonderful visit.

Isn't it weird how life can take you down a different road than you expect? I totally relate to what you said about how you might have ended up teaching. When I went off to university the first time, I ended up home from illness and my parents' divorce. At the time it seemed earth-shattering. Now I realize that the road I was on probably would have led me to being an English teacher, and that just isn't the life I was meant to live!

I love the quote - it seems like a great reminder that you have two places that are home :)

Wenda said...

Welcome back Meg. I know that feeling of creaking back to the blog, but your first post back sounds rustless to me.

Karen said...

Meg--Ahh, it's hard to have you gone. On a very small scale I can relate to being torn, even though my feeling is only 3 hours it still exists. Maybe this is a fact of life?? Who knows.
miss you. xoxok

Laini Taylor said...

Yay! Glad you had such a nice time -- I so wish air travel wasn't so DANG expensive. It's not fair we shouldn't be able to galivant around the world as much as we want... but lately I've been hearing about people beginning to voluntarily restrict their air travel because of global warming concerns, so I guess galivanting isn't the real solution. (One of my favorite writers, UK's Philip Pullman, isn't going on book tours any more for that reason.)
Glad you're back to your blog, Meg! I've missed you.

kelly rae said...

i, too, go in and out of the blogging world. but you just do what feels right, and it all turns out fine. so glad you're back!

Sarah e.Smith said...

Glad you made it home safely and that you received your necklace :) I am so happy you like it...thanky ou again for supporting my art :) Cheers!

Bohemian Girl said...

welcome back, darling.

good to see you!