If I could change one thing about myself it would not be my weight or my height or my foot size. If I could change one thing about myself it would be my ability to follow through with my decisions. Sometimes I am a very determined person. Give me a deadline and I can get my writing done. Give me a darn good reason for something and I can do it. No problem. The trouble begins when I sit down and make vague but grand decisions.
I can not tell you how many times I have said to myself, "From now on I will..." or "Starting tomorrow..." and NOT DONE IT. I'm getting fairly tired of the whole process to be honest. Which switch in my brain do I have to switch? Which magical thought do I have to think? How do I become one of those people whose stories you read in magazines saying, "One day I had had enough and..." or "A light bulb went off and I realized..." I have been changing light bulbs and having epiphanies for years; YEARS do you hear me? So what is different about me? I don't lack determination, I just can't seem to decide which decisions to use it on.
Sigh. And so I sit here, writing it all and thinking it all AGAIN. I'm bored of it and I am bored of me talking about it. I'm fed up with NOT following through with the good stuff. Why can I not just NOT eat things when I know that they are bad for me? Why can I not just get my sorry ass outside to exercise more regularly? Why can I not do these and other things that are good for me? Am I not wired properly? Does anyone know where that switch is?