"...no matter how 'bad' a feeling is, it is only a feeling... The truth is we can survive any feeling as long as we allow ourselves to experience it without judging it." - Jane R. HirschmannI've been avoiding posting lately. I said before I had been neglecting you but I think that I have been avoiding posting and leaving comments for people because I have felt uncomfortable - not with blogging or with people but within me. I didn't want to come on here and be all sad and pitiful because truly nothing is really wrong. I didn't want you to think I was writing for attention or for sympathy but I just haven't felt able to post anything properly. I think, though that I have finally realized that this blog needs to be about all of me - not just the Writer. It's all real, isn't it? The happy, thoughtful sides and the warty bitchy sad sides both have to be a part of this if it truly is going to be about who I am. Sometimes I read about what people are going through and I think that I have no right to be unhappy - but sometimes I just can't help it.
My heart is actually aching today. I've felt wobbly and teary and just plain sad. I'm calling it homesick but it's family-sick and friend-sick and Canada-sick. I'm a bit fed up - with being worried about things, about money, about the future. I want to get ON with all of our plans. I come on here with great whalloping plans to move and write and BE and then reality hits and I get a bit bruised as I go. I even feel uncomfortable writing this - it's mostly for me, really. I think I just need to put it out there so that I can accept it for what it is and not judge it or let it keep me from writing other things. It was blocking me.
BUT! I have to find a positive so I am gratituding right now - counting some blessings to help me get some perspective back.
1. I am grateful for my gorgeous, wonderful boyfriend and also for his ability to cook (see photo above - yes, he made that WHOLE MEAL!!)
2. I am grateful for my friend Colleen and her sweet words and her gorgeous girls.
3. I am grateful for Skype. (FREE international phone calls!)
4. I am grateful as always for the amazing group of bloggers I get to be a part of.
5. I am grateful that I have this tool to get stuff like this out of me so I can get back on with getting on.
6. I am grateful for you.