Monday, April 10, 2006
I have been neglecting you.
For the past few weeks I haven't been myself. What with my job starting and immediately changing, Sunday Scribblings beginning and being met with unimagined enthusiasm, trying to rewrite some of my book and get a package ready to send it out into the world again, and trying to have a relationship, it's been a bit mad here. To top this cake off with the appropriate cherry, I am also nursing a whopping case of homesickness.
None of the things on my to-do list are 'bad' things - quite the opposite in fact. I've realized, however, that in the fullness of my flesh-and-blood world, I have been neglecting my blogging one. Four months ago I did not know that any of you existed, and now I am feeling sad and lonely because I haven't been able to do my daily check-ins!
I've been thinking quite a lot about my to-do list in the past few days. I am one of those people who can get more done if they have a lot to do. When I was in school I usually had one or two jobs and was involved in at least one (sometimes two or three) theatrical productions in a semester. I thrived. When I was teaching I was able to get into school for 7:30 so that I could get things done before the children (and the other staff!) came in. These days my deadlines are my own; I am not involved in as much outside of work and home, and things have tended to sit on my to-do list for much longer periods of time.
It's amazing how your attitudes towards yourself can change so much. That girl who was constantly on the go would shake her head if she could she me now. But all of that is beginning to shift again. My job has changed quite a lot in the past two weeks and I am going to be taking on a lot more responsibility. At first I was really nervous. I wasn't sure I wanted the job. I didn't want to lose the time writing, and I didn't want to be unable to drop everything and go to Canada when I needed to. In reality I was making excuses. I had slipped quite comfortably into my slower mode. Speeding back up seemed like a frightening prospect.
But now I can sense the glimmers of my old self coming back. I am starting to get up earlier so that I can get a run and some email in before I go to work. I am setting deadlines and keeping to them. I am remembering how to use time wisely. I am beginning to remember that indeed I am the girl who gets the most done when she has a lot to do. I am the woman who thrives under pressure and who can handle responsibility. I can do this.
But I have been neglecting you. For this I am sorry. I'll be back to my bloggin' self soon, I promise. I just have to get you onto my to-do list!
Posted by meghan at 8:05 pm