Re-entry

Someone asked me how I was doing today. I thought for a moment and then I said, "I actually am experiencing a few system failures." I've been struggling. I've been struggling with homesickness, with let-down, jet lag and with overwhelm. When you boil it all down, I think I have been having problems with re-entry.

I need to explain that the re-entry I am talking about is a different thing to let-down. Let down is what happens when you have been working really hard or being really involved in something and then it is over. Let down is that cold that you get at the beginning of your vacation. Re-entry is what has to happen when for whatever reason your life has been deeply and profoundly altered. Reentry is when you get home and you don't even recognize your furniture. Re-entry is when you look at your world and wonder how it can be the same when you feel so different. Let down is a pain in the ass. Re-entry can be a real bitch.

I don't want to sound down or depressed because I'm not! I've had the most wonderful, amazing time. But at the same time, it has felt strange moving back into my life. I have experienced this feeling before. I have experienced re-entry after funerals, and after my trip to Seattle. I have experienced re-entry after summer camp and when I flew home from England the first time. All of those experiences left me feeling different on a cellular level. How do you go back to normal when you don't feel normal any more?

My systems are slowly coming back on line. I am enjoying talking about the fun of the wedding. I am looking forward to our belated honeymoon. I am looking happily towards a future as a wife. I am beginning to understand that I need to work a little harder to keep those I love closer. All of these things are making the strangeness fade. Luckily, re-entry is always followed by a landing. It isn't always where you expected to be, but you are always a little wiser, a little more grateful and a little braver. If you are lucky, you are also a lot clearer about where else you are going and how you intend to get there.

xo

(It's my birthday on Saturday! I'll be 34 years old. This will be my first year as a wife, too. Whew! This past year has helped me get that clarity of purpose. So I think that this next one is going to be about carrying out that purpose - wish me luck!)

Big Things are a Comin'!

Inspired by this:



And because I am participating in this:



I am also going to try to do this:



Because I have a LOT to get done and a LOT to do and I am going to use these three things to focus on the things that I am determined to get done. (And because making art scares me and I want to Be Brave!) November's going to be intense!!

Oh, and P.S.... YUM!!

the wedding

"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." - Willa Cather

This is my favorite picture of us from the wedding. It says a lot about the day that in every single picture of us we are either smiling or laughing (except some of the ones of coming down the aisle!) It was amazing! It started on Thursday night with our "fake rehearsal." It was fake because it wasn't at the place, we didn't have music, and some of the wedding party weren't even there! But it was a great night full of laughter and delicious food and loved ones.

Friday night we went up to the hotel early and went out with some of our friends who had come from out of town. (One even flew in from Manchester for the weekend!!) We went out for delicious Italian food and had cocktails and laughed all night. This was the first time ever that all of these friends had been together at once, so it was the perfect night-before evening. We could almost forget what was happening the next day.


On the wedding day, I slept in until 9:00 and was just waking up when my friend Sean knocked at the door and came in to see me. We sat on the bed and watched the Weather Network (good news!) and then the day began. Hair, make-up, 4 Teddy Grahams for lunch (see the last picture) and a lot of nerves and hairspray later, it was time! (While I was doing that, the groom, groomsmen, my parents, Mark's parents, our friends Bonnie & Alex and Ron & Elaine, my aunts and uncles and cousins, and others I am sure I have forgotten to write about here were madly decorating and carting and festooning and lighting and generally making the day one I will never forget - thank you from the bottom of my heart!)

Everything ran like clockwork until the stroke of 5:00pm when we were supposed to be walking down the aisle and my niece decided to fill her diaper. With one groomsman dispatched to tell the groom I hadn't run away, we started a little later and with a good story to tell at HER wedding!


The wedding was perfect! It was outside under the trees. My Dad walked me down the aisle and then also did the ceremony. My Mom and Oma and Mark's parents were in the front row. My sister-in-law and brother were standing up with us, as were some old friends. My friend Mike played music for us to walk up and down the aisle, and my aunt and two uncles played a beautiful song while we signed the register. We used "Union" by Robert Fulghum, and a passage from "The Velveteen Rabbit" and a piece written by Mark's sister as our readings. And a lot of the women (and one of the men) got into the English spirit of the day and wore hats. My aunt said that she kept expecting Robin Hood to come down the path behind us.

After the service, we had pictures taken and our guests had drinks and cocktails. The reception was inside this beautiful building that was made up of glass and beams. There was already grapevine and candles and we added round paper lanterns and more candles and so with the white linens, it looked like a fairyland - exactly the look I wanted!! Instead of tinking glasses to make us kiss, we gave each table of guests a challenge to complete. From the first table to do it, the reception then went completely bonkers. One aunt and uncle had to sell all of the pears at their table (the centrepieces were glass bowls filled with pears) to raise money for cancer research, another table had to construct a balloon arch, and others had to make up songs or poems about different things. It was spectacular and perfect chaos!

I must admit that it was also freezing cold. FREEZING. The challenges helped people to get warm, but stupid us had asked for salad as a starter and ice cream - ICE CREAM - crepes as desert. People were wrapped in blankets by the end of the meal, but everyone said it was one of the best weddings they have ever been to. One dear guest said she loved it - that every detail was perfect!

The speeches were heart-felt and wonderful. Everyone (particularly my brother and my parents) made me tear up. But the big tears came with Mark's speech. He won over just about every woman in the place with his words. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Just after that, my Uncle Jim (the MC) told everyone that they could go inside where it was warmer to dance. They were inside in seconds and then we danced the night away! (Largely because there wasn't anywhere to sit so people just shrugged their shoulders and danced.)

You forget sometimes how much you love people. I've not spoken much about my parents here because they are going to get another whole post to themselves. But the wedding just filled my soul to the brim with love for all of the beloved faces who were standing there smiling as I walked down the aisle. The love we were a part of that day and in the days since from those dear ones who couldn't attend or who we couldn't invite, humbles me. It was truly the best day of my life - so far!

xo

in retrospect

"I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my "real" life again at last. That is what is strange - that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and discover what is happening or has happened." - May Sarton

Mark and I looked at each other on Friday and said, "What just happened?" But it was the best sort of what-just-happened I have ever had! For more than two weeks we have been going solid, and it occurred to me this morning that I needed to sit and write it down before I began to forget things. Although everyone said our wedding would be a blur, I remember everything. The only thing I don't completely remember was walking down the aisle, but that was because I was too overcome with the emotion of seeing all of those beloved faces at once to concentrate on anything in particular. Then I got to Mark and I was calm again. The part I was the most afraid of was the part that was the easiest. Looking into his eyes and saying our vows was the most natural thing in the world.

I won't go into all of the details now. Mom has just gone to pick up the pictures from our photographer (these are pictures friends took) and then I will show you how perfect my bouquet was and how I couldn't stop smiling all day. I'll tell you about having the never-ending celebration and how our family and friends outdid themselves in the 'participation' part of the wedding. I'll tell you how it was the very best day/ weekend of my life so far! I can't wait to catch up - I've missed you - we have a lot to catch up on!

Here are a few pictures. I hope you like them! So... how have YOU been?

All of me.

"For a long time, she flew only when she thought no one else was watching." - Brian Andreas

I spent a few minutes with myself this morning. I have a series of books that I call my "Anything Books." They are hard-backed, lined notebooks in different colours and I have been filling them with anything for 18 years. They are filled with quotes, cards, poems, photographs, anything that I thought was something that I wanted to keep safe.

Caught up in a swirl of wedding preparation, I have been feeling off-kilter and I didn't really appreciate why. I opened one of these books today looking for a quote and I was confronted by my self. I remember so much of putting things into these books. I remember how I felt when I glued in a picture of my grandparents or stuck in a sticker from my favorite band. The older book is written in pink or purple pen and is full of stickers and SARK quotes written in the same colours SARK used. The newer one is slightly more reserved in shades of green and black, but the pictures and cards and quotes are the same - things, people and sentiments that I have loved - and it still speaks in the same way. "Here I am, this is who I am." I didn't understand at the time that I was creating myself. I understand it now.

I realized this morning that there is one thing I have left out of the preparation. I have forgotten to spend a little bit of time with the dreaming girl that I was. Most of the romance of the day is about her after all! I am going to be sleeping alone the night before the wedding and I think that she and I will have a little date. I need to whisper in the dark and tell her that she really did find her prince charming, and that reality of him is so much better than she ever thought. I need to tell her that falling in love is easier than we thought back then, and that every mistake and choice that we cried about brought us here - and here is good. I need to tell her that thanks to her message today, I will remember that being in love is the whole point.

That's it. We're off on the wedding weekend! Love to you all, and I will see you when I am a Mrs.

"For angels and lovers, everything sparkles." - Marianne Williamson (from my second Anything Book)

The Final Countdown!!

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Kahlil Gibran

I think about this quote that is often used at weddings and I giggle. Yesterday I needed so much 'space in our togetherness' that I went shopping - alone! Wedding prep. has gone into maximum overdrive. There has only been one real 'Bridezilla' moment, but I stand by it. Other than that, the only sign that things are a bit stressful is a small twitch in the corner of my left eye that won't go away.

I feel like I am boring you with all of the details, but blogging is about our lives and this is certainly my life right now. It's strange to be the centre of attention so much. My brother keeps saying, "Suck it up and enjoy it for the week!" So I am trying to let go and enjoy people making a fuss. I am weirded out by some things, like the train on my dress and the whole head table looking like an interview panel thing. (I've kept the train and nixed the interview panel!) But on the whole I am looking forward to The Weekend with a healthy mix of excitement and nerves.

I've been cosmically ordering a warm, sunny day, and all of the elderly people in my grandmother's building are praying for sun for us, so we're good for weather! The leaves are changing colour rapidly, the menu is set, the first song is chosen, the cake has been tasted, the dress has been fit, the tuxes (complete with top hats, canes & white gloves - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA) are arriving, the yellow school bus is booked, the photographer has been to the site, the hotel is booked, the presents have started to arrive (VERY FUN!) and I think we are on track for the rest of the week! Now if I could just do something about the twitch in the corner of my eye...

xo

Last one from here!

"Is there any other paper-related preparation that needs doing?" - Mark, speaking to me last night just before I told him about one more place card.

These are our beautiful menus! Mark has made them by hand. He's also made all of our table centre-pieces and our place cards. We're moving on to order of service. If you can see in the background of this picture, our house is a disaster! We are so very prepared and so very not prepared at the same time!

I'm writing this at 6:00am because I know I will not really get another chance to write until after we are in Canada. We fly home on Wednesday. This will be followed by dress fittings, hair and make-up trials, dinners, cake tasting, flower buying, and hopefully one or two breakfasts with my parents. Mom's birthday is on the 25th (Happy Birthday Mom!) and so all-in-all it is going to be a crazy few weeks! The wedding is on the 4th of October at 5:00pm Toronto time.

I was talking to two friends last night who are coming and I got really really excited! Ever since I was a little girl I only wanted two things from my wedding day. I wanted to wear a pretty dress (check!) and I wanted to have everyone I loved in the same room. I'm wearing a lovely dress and I will have most of the people I love in one place. A few couldn't come, a few are no longer with us, and a few of you didn't fall into the "OK Meghan, you have to have MET the person in PERSON" category! - giggle - but it's a wonderful group of loved ones that will be there. I well up even now at the thought of looking out at all of those dear dear faces in one place. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it together. But BOY am I looking forward to it!!!!!

So that's it from me until we reach Canada. (I'll try to post from there!) Give a wink in the direction of Toronto on the 4th if you think about us!

xo

thought on a Sunday morning

You can always tell an old soul by how friendly they are to trees.

Very, very -
The Universe

I'll be back later with a bigger post, but I loved this and wanted to share. Happy Sunday to you!

xo

tamed.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - Antoine de Saint Exupéry

For the past few weeks, there has been a small rabbit spending its days on the lawn at work. I work in a place that is quite busy, but this little soul comes bravely out onto the lawn and chews his way through the day. His eyes are bright and alert, his body tense, but still he sits and nibbles on the grass for hours.

Tonight as I locked up I stood and watched him for a few minutes. He knew I was there, but he was unconcerned. I slowly stepped closer, talking and whispering to him as I moved. When I was just a few feet away, we stood and looked at each other for a little while before he turned and hopped a few feet farther away. I smiled. As much as I wanted to get closer, I realized that it was safer for him to be a little bit afraid.

I stayed watched him for a little longer and a line from The Little Prince echoed through my head: "You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." I have been thinking a lot about relationships over the past few months. Getting married and creating a guest list, losing a dear friend to cancer, and making friends with people half a world away have brought up all kinds of ideas about the nature of relationships. There is another quote I love:

"People come and go in life, but they never leave our dreams. Once they are in your subconscious, they are immortal." - Patricia Hampl

I don't think that we take this responsibility seriously enough. When we tame someone or something, we have a part of them with us forever. We matter to them and they matter to us. I am about to promise to love, honour and cherish someone, but at the same time we will be surrounded by people who I also love, honour and cherish. I get goosebumps when I think of how much love I will feel on that day. Then I get goosebumps when I think about all of the love I can feel every day if I just stop and pay attention.

Why do we sometimes forget something so incredible?


And he went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

- From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry - read more here.

xo

P.S. I loved this post and this post today and wanted to share!

message from myself

"Thank you for all of the good things that are happening in my life right now."

Fifteen years ago I sat on the floor of my bedroom and wrote a list of affirmations. I have no memory of where they came from or why I needed them at that moment, but I wrote them out dutifully and carefully with a black felt-tip pen. I spelled 'which' wrong, but at some point since then, I fixed it with a scribble.

I know this because this piece of paper has followed me around ever since. I don't intend to carry it with me, and I don't consciously look for it, but it follows me anyway. Through many bag packings and many moves, it has stayed in my life. Every time I find it, I wonder what it is. I unfold it, read it, smile, shake my head at its appearance, and then fold it up and put it aside again. I always expect that that will be the last time I see it. Many pieces of paper have come and gone without thought. I am forever losing things. But this piece follows me everywhere, popping up in piles at the strangest times, often in a pile where I know it wasn't before.

This morning I found it again in a pile of wedding stuff. I don't know how it got there. It wasn't there yesterday. It is tattered and worn around the edges and the paper has become soft with repeated reading. I think maybe it is trying to tell me something! I read it again, smiling at the message sent from my 18 year old self. It begins with, "I accept myself unconditionally right now." I think that when I am finished writing this, I am going to have a cup of tea and finally really listen to her. She seems to know what she's talking about. Was the reason it has stayed with me that it was waiting for my 33 year old self to get the message? Well, I finally got it, and today I am sharing some of it with you. Maybe she was writing to one of you, too.

Have a wonderful day.

(This is written exactly as it is on the page. With apologies to anyone who might have written these first - I don't know where I got them! )

"I accept myself unconditionally right now."

"Infinite spirit, give me a definite lead, reveal to me my perfect self-expression. Show me which talent I am to make use of now."

"I am intending vibrant health." (30 consecutive nights just before sleep.) ("Intend" other things at other times of the day!)

"Thank you for all of the good things that are happening in my life right now."

"Please guide me towards finding what is beautiful, whole, and genuine within myself and help me express this awareness. I ask for the grace to share my individuality with ease. Help me to know that when I do express who I am that I am making a contribution to the well being of everyone around me."

"I love and respect myself"

- meg.

Wedding Land

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." - A.A.Milne

There are wonderful things and there are stressful things in our life right now. There are books and jobs and families and websites and money worries and the wedding all swirling around our heads at an increasing speed. Our vision has become wobbly, and it was all getting to be a bit too much for me yesterday.

That shifted this morning when I woke up and looked over at my sleeping sweetheart and I realized that I need to keep our life in perspective. No matter what else happens, all of this is about us. We have made the choice to do things a bit differently. We have made the choice to be brave and to follow our dreams. Why am I expecting that that will be easy? (We hadn't expected it all to be happening at once, however!)

What matters here is that I love him and he loves me and that we are living our lives bravely and honestly. If we can keep hold of that and use that as the lens through which we see our current situation, I think that our vision will steady and we really will live happily ever after.

xo

hard hard hard hard HARD.

I lost the plot today. Completely. We are talking sitting in a ball on my kitchen step, tears rolling down my cheeks LOST IT. Yesterday I was on top of the world. Inspiration abounded, a friend wrote me an amazing response to my book, and things were just going right. Today, I lost it.

Every book you read about getting published tells you how HARD it is to get published. If I read the term 'slush pile' one more time, I think I am going to be sick. Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard. I'll tell you what is hard - weeding through all of that crap and still feeling like you have a snowflake's chance you know where of getting published.

My big wall? The synopsis. Everything I read tells me something different. All I want is for my book to get out there and apparently that hinges on whether or not my synopsis catches the eye enough to make someone read further. And this, my friends, has reduced me to tears. I write this because people keep saying how excited and full of excitement for my life I seem to be. I am that, but I am also a big bundle of nerves and fears and insecurities who has written a 70,000 word novel but can't sit down to write 1,500 words about that novel. It sounds so dumb to say that this has reduced me to tears but there it is.

So I have given up for today. I am feeling sad and small and in need of a good hot shower. When it gets so hard that tears come, it's time to take a break.

P.S. Does anyone know how to write a synopsis?

Amazing Women

"Do something that you will remember with pride and passion until the end of your days." - Rob Brezsny

I wanted to wait to write again until I had finished my project and sent out my manuscript but today I just feel SO FULL of joy and gratitude, I just had to share it with you! Today, my story of creation does not matter as much as the creations of some other amazing inspiring women. There is something in the air right now! I believe that magic goes out into the universe whenever someone puts something of themselves out there, and right now there just seems to be so much magic!!



First, I need to direct you to my dear friend Letha's site. She is one of the most incredible women I have ever met. Denise has written a beautiful tribute here that gives you some idea of how amazing Letha is. Her project is called Wrap Up Africa. I've already been and bought a gorgeous skirt from them. I shake my head every time I think of the goodness that Letha and her partners are bringing into the world. I am in awe and so honoured to be her friend. Please go there and buy a skirt if you can. Every little bit helps.

Next, I want to send you to buy an amazing book! (I've 'borrowed' this picture from Denise!) A few years ago I was an avid reader of a couple of blogs. One in particular inspired me to reach out and grab what I wanted from my life. I knew that I wanted to be as honest and real a writer as she was. It was she that inspired me to start my own blog. From that decision my life was changed forever. I have deep, wide, rich friendships with women all over the world and I have become a better, braver writer. When I saw that she was bravely creating and publishing her own book I knew that it was going to be a real gift to the world. My beautiful copy arrived today, smelling of playdough and whispering beautiful secrets. It's absolutely wonderful. I recommend it!

I also wanted to draw your attention to Jessie's site. Jessie is the brains behind the Be Brave project. As she has gone through her own brave journey, Jessie's life has been changed by a few meetings with incredible souls. I go to her site every day to see what else she has been up to. She is an inspiration and a true friend. Please go and see what she is doing now.

There is more! I can also tell you how BRAVE my friend Susannah is being by changing her life and moving to a whole new city! Or how this dear soul is moving COUNTRIES! Or that Dar's words continue to move me in wonderful ways, or that I am purple with envy that I won't be able to go to this feisty tribal council, or that this blog is a new find that I am loving more and more every day, or that this blog stretches me in ways I never expect.

Thank you for the gifts of your words, your art, your thoughts, your inspiration and your bravery. What an amazing world we are living in my friends! I'll be back with news of me on Monday.

Have a delicious weekend.

xo

peeking in...

“You will achieve grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day / not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal / to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished.” - Og Mandino

I'm just peeking in for a visit while we take a little break. I am working on lots of things, and those things all seem to be almost done, but this morning we are watching the Olympics over a big breakfast instead of working. Nothing makes me more homesick than the Olympics. Understandably the BBC is showing all British athletes, but I just want to see a Canadian. sigh.

Other than that, things are busy! Our wedding is in less than seven weeks! SEVEN! Our website is days from completion, comments from readers of my manuscript have been incredible, and I've started a new project. It all seems to be happening at once!

I was thinking about all of this movement today. 2 1/2 years ago I started this blog. I made connections with lots of incredible women, and it makes me grin wide to see how far we have all come. This blog has opened up my relationships with family and friends, it has given me the courage to finish my book, and it has brought kindred spirits into my life. What a strange gift for a public diary to give. I am so grateful!! That's really all I came to say today!

Now it's off to work again, but not before I've found the Canadian men's 8 rowers winning gold on YouTube. I heard they all sang the national anthem on the podium - WELL DONE gents! I love it when athletes do that!!

For more inspiration!
... this delicious article by Leonie.
... and Jamie is hosting another Circe's Circle - she is one of my very first blog friends. She has changed SO MUCH of her life since then and she constantly inspires me!!
... and Ruby is back!!
... and my secret pre-wedding pleasure! (Gulp. It's SO SOON.)
... and this wonderful site is worth bookmarking!

now back to work for me... see you in September!!

xo

hitting pause

"We have been given a new story. When it is time for a new story to emerge, holding on to the past... only intensifies our dilemma." - Margaret J. Wheatley

For the past few weeks I have felt quiet. With so much going on, I expected to feel excitable and frantic, but I don't. I feel quiet. I have three projects that need my energy and a wedding to plan and a friend to grieve, so I think I have pulled all of my energy into myself.

I am past the help of my books. I am past the help of my blog. I am afraid I realized this morning that I JUST NEED TO GET THIS STUFF DONE. Be brave is about doing something every day that scares you. Well, it scares me to stop procrastinating and just get these projects into the world. So that is what I am doing. I am taking a few weeks to pull my energy in and use it where it will help me the most.

Have a delicious, wonderful, divine, soul-full August. Keep me posted on you and wish me luck!

Be Brave

“The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Isn't this picture amazing? Mark and I were walking through the woods and I realized that everything on the right was old growth forest. It was lush and wild and green and gnarled and magical. Everything on the left had been planted to replace forest that had been cut down. It was dry and brittle and contained.

Be brave started this week. I have been working on a project that is the bravest thing I have ever done but I can't talk about it until it's ready. Baby steps every day are bringing me closer to its launch. Last night I took a brave step and asked my boss to read my book when my latest revisions are finished. But brave for me this week is like this picture. I am walking a path between lush and wild or dry and contained. Brave means making the most alive and vital choice every time. No matter which way I go I will get to the end of the path, but if I make the brave decisions, the journey will be a lot more interesting.

Be brave today. Do one thing today that scares you.

help! (updated!)

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness." - Kahlil Gibran

So most of you who I know about who read this are married, or have been to a wedding or two. I don't write about wedding planning very much as I know it bores a lot of people, but I need your help! I am looking for a wonderful wedding reading. We have already chosen two. One is by Robert Fulghum and the other is from a children's book (of course!) I need another one. Here is where you come in!

I have browsed every single wedding reading site out there, but I have failed to come up with the one that I want read over our tense about-to-be-married selves. Please, please, please, please, please - do you know of any fabulous pieces of writing that could be used for two people who love each other?

What I don't want:
- Kahlil Gibran (he's lovely but I read it at my brother's wedding - I want something different!)
- 1 Corinthians (I KNOW it's the thing to read but I want something different!!)
- Rumi (ditto on the something different!)

(I'm trying to make Mary Oliver fit but she's just not making it easy for me! giggle!)

So my dear creative, interesting, varied readers, please give it to me! Fill my comments with beauty and inspiration! I'm desperate here!

xo

Update: Look! Laini (my Sunday Scribblings cohort and writer extraordinaire) has been featured on the blog 'Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast.' And if you look closely at the post, you will see MY little face there too!!!

AND SO HAS JESSIE!!!!! Look here!

my goddaughter

Sometimes you fall in love when you least expect it! I've only spent about a week in total with this little person in her life. How, then, can I be so in love?

changes are afoot

I've always liked that word, " afoot." I like it because it conjures up delicious images of things that are slightly unusual. Nothing ordinary is ever 'afoot.'

After months of teeth-gritting or lip-pursing or stomach-knotting or eyes rolling or suck-it-upping, we are finally getting closer to some big changes in our lives. We are finally (oh holy moly praise be FINALLY) nearly done our website. (Watch this space!) I am embracing Jessie's Be Brave Project in a way that frightens me to my toes (watch this space, too!) I am working on draft three of my book (clear a space!!) (Anyone know a good agent who would be interested in a deliciously feminine and unusual book?) AND we are getting married in 11 weeks. Yup. Change is happening whether we are ready for it or not.

I am sitting here still quite unsure about it all. I have been 'holding on' for so long that now my brain doesn't know how to do nervous excitement anymore. I have been 'muddling through' for so long that I have forgotten how to look things straight in the eye. But it is all coming. And the past few weeks have just shown me AGAIN that life and all of its ups and downs is fleeting and precious. I've known that for a long time but losing Faye has just reminded me that I must not take it all for granted. It's good stuff, this life thing. As Ferris Bueller said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!"

For over three years we have been working towards these dreams. We had forgotten to stop and look around. We didn't realize how close things were until this week. It has felt never-ending. But changes are afoot, my friends! Lots of them are coming. Just wait'll you see!!


(I needed some inspiration so I picked up book and opened it to a random page. Here is what I found:

"Push yourself beyond when you think you are done with what you have to say. Go a little further. Sometimes when you think you are done, it is just the edge of the beginning. Probably that's why we decide we're done. It's getting too scary. We are touching down onto something real. It is beyond the point when you think you are done that something strong comes out... I give this advice out of pure experience. Go further than you think you can." - Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

OOh, goosebumps! Thank you Natalie!)

xo

[UPDATE: Have you seen this? Go here and look around. I think I am going to sign up when I start my Be Brave challenge.)

something light -

Hi there -

Thank you for all of the kind emails and thoughts. I have been laying low and coming to terms with it all. Today I was in need of something a little lighter and a little m0re beautiful in my world, so I lurked around some blogs and finally spent some time doing a meme that I found at Claudia's site.

(NOTE: if you are going to do this, make sure that you join up to the mosaic maker site first! I spent a long time doing it and then had to join & lost everything!)

Here´s how you do it...
type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search, using only the first page, choose an image, copy and paste each of the URL’s into the mosaic maker (3 columns, 4 rows).

The questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you attend?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10.What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your Flickr name.

The links to the pictures in my mosaic:
1. Meghan's Fireflower, 2. Our new favorite Sushi Bar, 3. Bryan Adams and Keith Scott, 4. ♫ black crowned night heron from bali♫, (but I chose red!)5. Gerard Butler, 6. Tea Corner..., 7. Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage, 8. Meyer Lemon Tarts, 9. flying... inspired, 10. ...more time for books, 11. uniquely unique..., 12. Blue fairy wings back view