"Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise." - Maya AngelouThis is kind of a strange picture but Blue Dog asked what people were writing in and this particular journal is too big for my scanner!! My brother gave it to me a long time ago. When he gave it to me I was only part way through a different one so I put it on my shelf until I was ready for it.
I'm funny about blank journals. I love them. I salivate over them. I buy them just because of how pretty and luscious they are. But I am frightened to write in them. It's an old phobia dating back from the time in my life when I didn't want to waste a beautiful book with whatever I was going to write in it. Once I wrote something down the journal's fate was decided. I don't feel like that anymore. I'm not scared of what I am going to write anymore, but I still hold the empty books like precious treasures, just waiting for the right moment.
From the time I was 12 I kept a journal on loose leaf paper in a duo-tang. A duo-tang (what does that mean anyway?!) was as UNpermanent as it was possible to be. Suddenly at 18 I was finished with that journal. I went out and bought an empty black sketchbook and began to fill it instead. I like that they are completely blank. I can write whatever size I need to, and I can draw and scribble and stick things in if the mood strikes. When I begin a new journal I do things to the covers first so that I know that there is creativity inside. A truly completely blank slate frightens me off as well.
When I was home several trips ago I realized that I needed to begin a new journal. My old one wasn't finished but it was bulging at the seams, and a whole new chapter of my life was really getting under way. Enough was enough. So I got my waiting journal off of my shelf and opened it up, ready to marvel at all of the possibility that was there. Inside I found something that I had forgotten about. When David gave me the journal I had stuck something on the inside cover before putting it away. When I had found these words in a magazine it had made me tingle but I think it must have frightened me too. For some reason I didn't put it into the journal or the illustrated journal that I was working on. I glued it instead onto the inside cover of my new book - hiding it's message and its power for another day.
Now when I look at it, I smile. It's not eloquent or deep and meaningful. (Most of my journals are filled with quotes and clippings that are meaningful!) It's not artistic or creative in any way. But that's not what I really need. I have had enough gentle nudges in the direction of my dreams. I know the path I am supposed to be following. Nope, this little message is something that I think I need more than that gentle nudge. I like to look at it as a kick in the ass from the nervous girl who knew that in the future she wanted to be taking leaps, sitting down and writing, and living an unusual life. She knew what I would need. She was telling me that it's not about the wanting to do something. It's about the doing something. It's hard, but it's the way it has to be. I just have to get on with it.
Dear Younger Me, I got your message and I get it. Thank you! xo