Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Gluten Free ME.

"My body is incredibly strong and healthy." - Denise Linn

A strange thing happened the day before we were due to start Soul Coaching. I was called into the doctor to get the results of the blood test I had had taken a week before. The blood test had come back positive for Celiac Disease (Coeliac if you are in the UK!) But the doctor told me that was I was allowed to start eating differently until I had had another test. Inside of my head I was thinking that that was okay - I could eat all of the things I would never be able to eat again and then I would be ready for going gluten-free in December. But then I started to pay attention, and I started to read up on Coeliac Disease, and I started to read Soul Coaching, and now all I can think about is getting healthy.

I have always felt like I was capable of MORE (hence the title of my blog!) - of sparkling and being a real force in the world - but I hated - HATED - myself because I couldn't seem to do the things I wanted to do. I wanted to shine, but I spent nights exhausted on the couch watching television. I wanted to dance, but I made excuses in phys. ed. to let myself sit out. I just didn't feel good. I eat really well, I take supplements, I read every health article I can get my hands on, I try to exercise, but nothing ever made me feel healthy and energetic. I thought I was just lazy. And that hurts.

But for the past few weeks alongside Soul Coaching, I have been reading the book Gluten Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern and my neck is practically hurting from all of the nodding I have been doing - it's ME! It's ALL THERE - the hospitalization for unexplained stomach pains in high school, the exhaustion, the weight, the unexplained medical symptoms of digestive problems, abdominal pain, the foggy feeling, everything!

But now I have a huge problem waiting for the second test. I know what I need to do to get healthy. I know that when I stop eating gluten I will feel BETTER. I know that my body will heal and I will know what it is like to feel great. But I can't do it and it's incredibly frustrating. Today the heading for level two in Soul Coaching is "Change your body, change your life." (178) Well I can't. I desperately want to, but I can't - yet.

It's a strange feeling to know exactly what will help and how to do it, but to not be allowed to. But in some ways I think that this time has been a gift. I think that if I had been able to start right away I would have had a much bigger grieving process. I would have wanted pizza and hamburgers and bagels and muffins. But now I have had those things and have felt rotten. Now I am ready to feel good. And feeling good will be worth far more than a toasted bagel!

I'm sure of it.


Jamie said...

Is it weird to say that I'm excited for you? You are such a sparkler it is exciting that you've found a key to supporting that special energy you have!

You deserve to feel wonderful. I'm sure this waiting period is going to build some great momentum for you. Here's to a healthy and shiny 2009!

Colleen said...

Hey! When you come home Pizza Pizza has gluten free dough now! So you can still have pizza at least. :o) I'm happy for you that you know what was causing all that trouble in your body. Good luck with the new diet! I'll be thinking of you.

mtnchild said...

It will be an adjustment in your life, but it has to feel good to know what the problem is. Now you will go into 2009 with a new purpose and be the person you were always meant to be.

The world is at your feet, and you will now step forward and do everything without being so tired.

I'm excited for you, just like Jamie, even if it really does sound strange, but KNOWING what is causing your problems will make you fly.

Many hugs

daisies said...

you know, you describe stomach pains, exhaustion, weight, digestive problems and foggy feeling and i am nodding along ~ hmmm. i have never been tested for this and am sitting here wondering if i should be.

regardless, i am happy and excited for you and the fabulous new changes in your future ... truly ... love to you, xo

Vivienne said...

i'm mighty excited for you meg!

wish i could give you a big hug and bring you a basket full of goodies that are so delicious that you'd never know they were gluten free.

i also want to let you know that it has took me years...yes years...to really get the gluten~free thing down. shauna (gf girl) seemed to be able to do it cold-turkey but for me it took making quite a few circular journeys to wheat and back to health before really being able to let go of it forever. i've been pretty strict with it for a few years now and i promise it is worth it. it can be hard sometimes because gluten hides and surprises you in places you wouldn't think it would be!

sending you big time gluten~free hugs!
be gentle with yourself to as this is big! you can do it! and it will be delicious!

Kavindra said...

I love your take on the time you have to spend waiting before your new diet - your feeling that it is better preparing you to not feel deprived.
I think you're right, feeling good is better than a bagel. And also, I know you can get alot of gluten free yummy things these days - whole foods makes gluten free treats, any health food store, and if you cook, you'll be in heaven!

I tried going gluten free to see if it helped my fatigue for a month, and even tho I don't cook, I didn't miss anything, there was so much out there to make up for it. So good luck and I too am happy for you - you'll feel like a new person!

Fatma said...

The Universe is guiding you to the very best for you. You will discover foods that will delight you and gain vibrant health in the process.

Genie Sea said...

You are so ready! YAY you! Best wished and lots of energy and health :)

Jessie said...

You know what, Meg? I just love you.


Leah said...

wow, that's exciting stuff, megg!! and it sounds like you'll be totally ready when it's time. congrats, girl!

Susannah said...

to find the answer is like the sun coming out after the longest night you've ever known. You can do this - i'm excited for you :-) x

Anonymous said...

Wishing you a new vibrancy in your physical body once you can start making the nutritional adjustments! I am happy for you too! Really enjoy reading your blog.

kristen said...

out of lurkdom...

i've wondered very much if i have a gluten problem, knowing the stomach discomfort, lethargy and general malaise that i always ascribed to laziness.

food for thought...literally.

Jaime said...

We are in parallel universes...well, sort of. I just recently had to adopt a fairly limiting, and permanent diet for a health concern, and I have to tell you, hearing your optimism is so so helpful. I found out that most of the HEALTHY foods that I love were doing me more harm than good! So adjusting and trying not to feel deprived of the foods I love has been an emotional challenge as well as a physical one.
This post has helped me see, that feeling good is well worth the effort.
Thank you sweetie xo