Monday, November 03, 2008

Soul Coaching - Day 2

"To make a commitment is to take a stand in life - the moment you are your commitment rather than it being something you said, you can actually impact the world." - Denise Linn

(This is another painting by Emily Carr (my new muse) I thought it captured 'Air Week' perfectly!)

With that one small sentence, Denise Linn kicked my ass this morning. I've been thinking a lot about self-respect over the past few weeks. My biggest problem and barrier to my dreams is that I don't follow through with what I say I am going to do. I simply don't do it. Without going more deeply into how, I realized this week that a huge part of my problem is that I don't respect myself because I can't trust myself. If I say "from now on I am going to do _________" and then don't do it, it sets up a tea party in my head that chatters about how I never do what I say I am going to do.

The tea party then goes on to say that this is why I am still overweight and unpublished. Then when I sit down to do something like this, it begins to chatter before I have even begun: "You've never done it before, why would you do it now?" or "We'll see how long this one lasts. The Artists Way only lasted three weeks!" or "You obviously don't want it badly enough or you'd do it." Urgh. So because I don't trust myself to follow through, it becomes harder and harder to even begin.

But today, that quote by Denise Linn did kick my ass a little bit. You have to BECOME your commitment. I guess I never really got that part before. I need to live, breathe, dance, and believe my commitment. How? How do I get past those little voice in my head? How do I do it every day, even when I don't feel like it? I just need to do it - like the Nike ad says - it sounds so deliciously easy doesn't it? Just do it.

"Do or do not - there is no try." - Yoda

30 comments:

pen* said...

megg!! i know {exactly} what you are saying here! that chatter! oh my gosh: you articulate it so well (and i am STILL perservering with the artists way! i think this is my 15th attempt! hee hee)
i read a comment on someone else's blog from danette who said something along the lines of: your own needs and creativity is often neglected because there is no one to hold you accountable but yourself. and that rang true for me... and i am hoping that having this space and sharing this journey with the likes of you will make me a little more accountable, and as such to: just do it!
also, for me anyway, i have this need for {perfection} for example: in the the artists way, if i don't do all my tasks or morning pages for the week, i feel like i've failed and give up. but this time, because it is part of an online community, although it's still been far from perfect, i am sticking at it. and i am learning, slowly but surely to embrace my imperfections, and carry on.
i am so glad you are on this journey.

miss*R said...

you know, sometimes when I have that Ego voice saying things like that.. I have learnt to say: 'thankyou for that, you have mentioned it before and I don't need to hear it again.'

I know it sounds quite odd talking to the ego but it does work. It takes a little time to catch the ego's negative voice but bit by bit it happens
best of luck with your journey xo

miss*R said...

ps - remember 'above all be gentle with yourself' xox

Kel said...

Definitely - I agree with you all!

Definitely... commit. Treat it like a new place you've moved to, rather than a place you visit from time to time. Then when you wake up, instead of thinking "Will I go there today, maybe, if I have time and gas in the car..." you will just be there, living in your commitment.

Definitely... shut that tea party up. Man, we don't need discouraging parents or friends the way we can talk ourselves down. Talk to that ego, like miss*R says, or dismiss all that monkey mind patiently and lovingly, but don't take that junk on board.

Definitely... be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself the days you miss, even the chances you miss. That wasn't meant to be, maybe. I know I always start a cycle of "I missed such and such, I'm so hopeless, I wreck everything, and now I've spoiled all of my chances". I'm working on it. I'm forgiving myself, and the universe is rewarding me surprisingly often.

Good luck with it all Megg, even though I only know you the littlest bit through your blog, I am sure you can do whatever you want to.

todayandeveryday said...

When I read that line about being your commitment and not just saying it I had a huge shift in my thinking. I also love your Yoda quote--there is no TRY, very wise.
~Dawn

blisschick said...

Megg,

That Yoda quote is one of my favorites; it's a quote I had stickied to my computer for a long time.

But it also brings to mind a Ravi Singh quote (from the Ravi & Ana kundalini yoga DVD series) that you MUST keep trying because no matter how many times you "fail," THIS time might be THE time. A very hopeful, ass-kicking concept if ever there was one, I think.

I've been writing a lot lately about SlothChick, as I have named her, and she is a strong and persistent "enemy." One who must be taken seriously and one whom, I fear, we writers will face over and over. But the point is that you face her, never giving in.

Peace, Megg. :)

andie said...

I totally hear you. I too have been working at shutting down the tea party.

Loved reading this, thanks.
a.

danette said...

Oh Megg, I know that song. I sing that song, or at least, a choir of nasty voices from my head sing that song.

It is true what I said about things slipping when you only have yourself to hold you accountable, but it doesn't always have to be that way. I see that as a call to reach out that way we are all doing together with Soul Coaching (thanks Jamie!) and create accountability for those things that are so dear and life changing for us, creativity and self-care.

I have my awesome coach, the ultimate source of loving accountability. Even still, it's a process for me that starts fresh every day.

Jamie said...

I was thinking about exactly the same kind of thing as I went through today's reading. It helped me to read Denise's suggestion that we continually renew our commitment. Each day we begin again. And I love Blisschick's sharing that this time might be THE time. I'm going to hang out to that one too!

I love your question "How do we become our commitment?" I'd love to hear thoughts on that. What comes to my mind is that our commitments are not just about what we do - they are about who we believe ourselves to be. When our commitments are intimately connected to who we are and who we want to be instead of who we think we should be and what we think we should do, we become our commitments. Does that make sense?

Gemma said...

Why is it that we honor commitments to others and not ourselves? Wishing you a beautiful day 2.
:-)

freelittlebird said...

What an excellent entry that captures what I think so many of us must feel but think that it is our own personal battle. Good luck to you in your commitments!

Nicole said...

You so eloquently described your "Tea Party" and what a wonderful realisation to have. It now allows you to move forward.

Wishing you all the magical blessings along the way. Nicole x

Caroline said...

Oh yes! I can relate. I love the painting...it really captures the essence of air. I am busy honoring my commitments...no one said this would be easy... ;)

daisies said...

i spent years talking about my dreams, talking talking talking, doing some stuff but mostly talking ... those were important years i think, they helped me to clarify myself. and then the world kicked me in the ass. hard. and i fumbled. the thing is when i picked myself up, i was tired of talking and it became so much easier to just live my dreams, my commitments and i am really enjoying that.

hmmm ~ now if only the weight thing would comply, sigh ;-) ah well ...

Samosas for One said...

Have you ever read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth? I feel he addressing some of this. I totally know what you're talking about though. I do the same thing. Can I ask how does this Soul Coaching project work?

Kerstin said...

Oh yes, I can so relate to that voice in my head, especially when it comes to endless attempts to lose weight. This is actually how I started blogging, my blog was called The Dietmonster and in it I had dialogues with the "monster" that sounded very much like what you just wrote!

What I have found to be a key is to unravel my story at the end, by looking at what it is at the outcome that keeps me going in circles, rather than break through them. One interesting result of this was my realization that I fear success. Why? Because I fear the downfall after. As in, what goes up must come down. I still haven't worked out how to not feel that fear but I know that within here lies the key to many of my failed attempts to complete anything.

I love that last quote!

enchantedartist said...

Megg...I too, have spent many years yacking about what I want to do...wish I could do...should be doing...I've started...then sabotaged myself...wallowed in self-pity...and guilt.

All I can really say, is that I've learned to take comfort from the fact that as long as I am here...I can try again. I may fall again...and get frustrated with myself...but I can try again...We all can.

(Oh, and I LOVE Emily Carr's art! I have a beautiful print of her's on my bedroom wall that I wake up to every morning...and she's from my hometown. :)


Much love...and cheers of encouragement...
xoxo

Sacred Suzie said...

It sucks to feel like you let yourself down. I can't stand commitments for that reason. I chose one I really wanted that I thought would be easy. And then it wasn't. But we can do it! It's a muscle that needs to be conditioned.

Kelly said...

We must be at the same tea party, my friend!! I've learned that I don't trust myself either and that does make it that much harder to do anything you say your going to do. Thank you for bringing this up. I LOVE the Yoda quote. So simple and SO true. I'm going to borrow that one...

Serena said...

I can see why you're so taken with this artist....another beautiful and fitting painting for 'air' week.

We all seem to face the same problem when it comes to following through with commitments to ourselves. I believe it's how we've been conditioned as, our ego self is always seeking approval from others, whether we realise it or not, yet the ego is so critical of the self. We now need to re-condition our thinking and acknowledge the ego's attempt at self-sabotage and see that we are worthy of our daily love, attention and care.

rice said...

Sounds like this is a universal feeling for all of us! I was saying "me too!" out loud as I read this entry. Sacred Suzie is right when she says it's a muscle that needs to be conditioned. We can do it!

Genie Sea said...

The savage tea party with unwanted guests. Clattering, chattering, dishing out negative, pouring out doubt. I know it well. I uninvited the lot of them. They were never there at my request. It's so much more peaceful without them, not that they don't try to take over every chance they get. I'm getting better at not opening the door...

Brandi said...

I think you pegged it. exactly.

so the ass kicking was beautifully expanded.

yes. everything I let myself down, I trust myself less and lose a little respect.

yes. that's exactly it.

thank you for sharing this realization with all of us.

namaste

Amber said...

Well. Yeah. YOU just kicked my ass.


:)

Allison said...

Apparently we all have been victimized by similar tea parties! It's a wonderful comparison. & those voices...oy, I hope that 'practice makes perfect' as far as making them disappear is concerned...

peppylady said...

My hubby says I'm Scarlett O'Hara and I can understand why he sees me that way.
I got grand ideal in my heart and mine.
Do they come to life "no".
But I have to confess their been time I've worked on project that can't come about and it's out of my control and I be come frustrated.

Coffee is on

mtnchild said...

My screen saver says "When are you going to JUST DO IT?" fits right in with the self-commitment thing. Why do we all seem to have such a problem with it? I wish I had the answer . . .

Leah said...

i have trouble with this sort of thing too and i know for myself that having support is oh so helpful (it was super helpful for me in doing "the artist's way" and it works for me every year during "art every day month.") we all need to find what works for us. i think we also need to learn how to forgive ourselves for our missteps. beating ourselves up for not following through only makes that critical voice louder. so keep on being gentle and moving forward! xox

pERiWinKle said...

When the chatter starts, just ask Oprah to talk louder! Sometimes she talks with her tongue in her cheek...to get you to talk first! :0) heehee...
you can do it Megg! xx

Kirsten Michelle said...

tears...
streaming.

sending love, love, love.
xoxoxo