back home to me...

"A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology. Beliefs are energetic forces that create the physical basis for our individual lives and our health." - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

A little while ago I had an idea. Within moments of accepting the idea I was visited by a messenger telling me to do it! I, of course, procrastinated. I have been feeling extraordinarily powerless in my life lately. It makes my throat ache to write that, but it is the truth. So I haven't started even though I know it is exactly what I need to do. This week my body has rebelled by giving me a long, lingering case of hives and an IBS attack.

I took this photograph in a cathedral (where I wasn't supposed to take pictures!) These steps are made of stone and you can see how many people have walked up them by how worn they are. It's actually quite difficult to climb them now without slipping a little. The interesting thing about these steps is that if you move just a little bit to the right, the step is unworn and quite a lot easier to climb. I watched for a little while, and everyone still climbed up the worn bits. It's the path that seems the easiest, and the path that everyone else has taken, so it's where they all go.

Well, I have decided to step to the right. Inspired by this, and this, and a scene from this and the experiment behind this, and by this and these, I have come up with a way of returning to myself.

Starting at the bottom - closest to the earth - I am going to begin to climb back into myself one piece at a time. Today I am going to meet my feet! Today I will have a bath, give them a wash, and then spend a few moments listening to them. I haven't really even thought about them for a long, long time. Then, once I hear what they have to say I will write something on them. I am going to reconnect myself to them and to the earth they connect me to. If it works with water crystals, then I am sure it's worth a try on my nearly-all-water body. I'll let you know how it goes.

"Imagine yourself whole, healed, and deeply in touch with the wisdom of your female body. How do you feel? What do you know in your bones? Nothing is more exciting than knowing that our bodies and our feelings are a clear, open pathway toward our destinies." - Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Starting today I am going to work towards getting all of me on the same side.


P.S. I have just found this. Oh, I would do anything to be there. Wow. How can I make it happen?

some days...

Some days I can get up at 5:30am, exercise for half and hour or more, drink hot water with lemon and then green tea, take my vitamins, have mini shredded wheat with soy milk for breakfast, and vegetarian green thai curry or a chicken salad for lunch, drink a litre and a half of water while getting on with work, come home, and have a healthy supper, a few squares of dark chocolate, do a little work and go to bed (admittedly after watching something rubbish on tv.) I honestly, honestly do this about 80% of the time.

Then there are the other days. There are the days when I drag myself out of bed, get through work, and then find myself on the couch eating chocolate covered Hobnobs (which are DIVINE by the way!) and hoping that Mark won't mind if I suggest having hamburgers or something equally decadent for dinner. (My newest favorite thing to eat is a sandwich with bacon, avocado and tomato, a tiny bit of spring onion and black pepper - bliss!!)

I am currently living through day number two. I was fine until I had texturized vegetable protein in a sauce with the consistency of snot for lunch. After eating half of it, I leaped off of the healthy living wagon with both feet. While I do feel that we all need moderation in all things, I can feel this turning into a night of debauchery. There is wine chilled, after all, and I am off for nine whole days...

Do I get back into healthy land or do I turn to decadence? Tricky. I think I'll take a glass of chilled white wine with me while I read Oprah in a bubble bath. Then I am sure I will know what to do!


(The rock above was painted by a mermaid! The coaster is from my Mom & Dad. Have a wonderful weekend!)

watch this space.

"You must ask for what you truly want.

Don't go back to sleep.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep."
-Rumi

This is what I used to see when I sat down and worked at my desk. If you look closely some of you might recognize your own work, inspiration you have sent me, or things you might have seen on other sites. I am addicted to ribbon and glitter and wings of all kinds and quotes and pictures of people, places and things that are dear to me.

BUT.

Sometimes I think that I need to focus (tough word for me) a bit more. So a few weeks ago I cleared the deck. Now when I sit down to work I have less chaos and more clarity. (Have no fear! I could not take my treasures down - the whole board was merely relocated!)

I have a WHOLE WEEK OFF starting on Friday and I am so excited about the possibilities!! A clean desk, many projects and NINE WHOLE DAYS... bliss. My toes and fingertips are tingling in anticipation!!

xo

unbelievable beautifulness

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a true blue dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
- e.e.cummings

I don't know if "beautifulness" is really a word but it's the one that comes to mind when I see what's going on in the world around me. I thought I would share it with you. Spring has sprung here and the Magnolias are the first ones to celebrate!

I hope you are having a beautiful day - wherever you are.

xo

Hawk Medicine

The strangest thing happened to me the other day! You've heard this from me before, but you are about to hear it again: I've been inspired. I know, I know, I say that a lot, but THIS time it actually came as a moment of clarity about a couple of other projects I have been mulling over. The idea came as a flash of how I could fuse them all together into one project.

I was sitting at my desk scribbling in one of my notebooks when it happened. I was so excited about it, my pulse started to race and I started to write down all of the ideas that were flowing through me. The Universe was offering me inspiration. I accepted.

For a moment I allowed myself to pause in my excitement. I looked out the window and lost myself in the branches outside. As I looked, a hawk landed on the branch that was less than a foot from my window. He had bright yellow legs and even brighter yellow eyes. He landed and then looked right in the window at me. We stared at each other for a moment and then he turned his head to the right and flew away.

I sat still for another moment before I realized I was still holding my breath. I felt like I had been visited. I felt seen.

When I told the amazing Jessie about this she sent me this from Medicine Cards: (I've edited for length!)

"HAWK
-Messenger-

Hawk is akin to Mercury, the messenger of the gods. Hawk medicine teaches you to be observant, to look at your surroundings. Observe the obvious in everything that you do. Life is sending you signals.

Life is the initiation. If you have pulled the Hawk card, then right now a clue about the magic of life is being brought to you. This magic can imbue you with the power to overcome a currently stressful or difficult situation. The test is your ability to observe the nuances of power lurking nearby. Is power the talent you have and are not using? Are solutions always hard to find because you have lost the broader vision of Hawk? Or is the Great Spirit displaying a gift that you need only to receive? Have the colors of the morning inspired you to create? Or has the gloominess of a present situation left you earthbound, unable to hear the voice within the raindrops splashing on your window? Pay attention! You are only as powerful as your capacity to perceive, receive, and use your abilities."

Lately things have been difficult here. I am feeling really stuck in a lot of ways - but I feel like I have had a sign. I am only as powerful as my capacity to perceive, receive, and use my abilities. What a great message.

Here I am!

"You have to recognize the demons or else they'll annoy you like
mosquitoes. But if you acknowledge their existence, if you say, 'All right, here's a cookie, go sit in the corner,' then you can go about your work and you don't have to go into depression because of it." -James Broughton

I don't know what to say to leap with both feet back into this strange world except to say that I've missed you! I have lurked around your sites; keeping up with you but trying to avoid talking about what has been going on with me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and emails. I'm okay. I really am. It's the world around me that seems to have gone mad. It's amazing what we can deal with when we need to.

This crisis has really opened up my eyes to the strange way we human beings have of destroying ourselves. We know right down to the tips of our toes and the deepest part of our souls what we SHOULD do to make our lives better right this moment. We KNOW everything we need to know to do what needs to be done. Why don't we do it? Why do we cling to rotten, stinky, ridiculous, harmful habits? Sometimes we even brandish those habits like a sword, feeling justified in our choices because we are CHOOSING them.

Sera Beak says: "Sometimes what makes you lick your lips with easy excitement might not actually be the best thing right now. Whereas what challenges you or frightens you a little or even ticks you off the most is what your spirit needs the most."

Today I dare you to be brave enough to ask yourself this question and then answer it honestly: "What would be the best thing for me right now?"

(P.S. And when you are finished that, I recommend that everyone read Bee's beautiful post!!)

taking a little break

“All we see of someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, there in riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the million decisions that led to that moment.” - Richard Bach

I've written this a few times now, hoping it would sound less weird. I am not trying to be dramatic but I needed to explain what will be my absence for a little while. Things are hard here right now. It's not my place to put them here in public, but I need to pull back and be there for people that I love. I'm okay, but I need to focus. I'll be back reading your blogs as soon as I can.

xo

just read the quote at the bottom.

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” - Franklin D. Rooosevelt

So I almost did it again. I almost wrote another post about self-help books and being where I want to be and blah blah blah blah blah.

Hear this now: I will not write another post about NOT being where I want to be or about how I am ready to start getting there. I am only going to write posts about how I am getting there.

I subscribed to the 'be gentle on yourself' and the 'you're okay just as you are' modes of thinking for a long time. The problem with those modes is that they keep you warm and cozy and justified in your RUT. Then I read "The Secret" and thought if I just thought about something enough that it would happen. The problem with that is that you are still stuck in the rut but now you are stuck in a huge pile of delusion at the same time. If you pay attention hard enough when you read any of the cosmic ordering stuff, they actually mean that you need to think about what you want, never doubt that you will get it and then get off of your ass and work hard for it.


"I have been and still am a
seeker, but I have ceased to
question stars and books; I
have begun to listen to the
teachings my blood whispers
to me."

-Herman Hesse

watch this.

I admit that I found this link on Swirly's new site but I loved it so much I wanted to make sure more people saw it. It's 18 minutes long, so watch it when you have a minute. I was really inspired.

Isabel Allende

the book that chose me

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” - Roald Dahl

The weirdest thing happened to me today. Anyone who reads my blog regularly will know that I am completely addicted to books. I am obsessed by them. The only part of my 'dream home' that I have ever really concentrated on is the library. When I go to people's houses and they haven't got any books I get a bit freaked out. I have piles of them beside my bed, bookshelves full of them and a desk covered in them. I also write them. I have written two (not publishable) and am writing a third (hopefully very publishable.) Books are everything to me.

I often buy books and then don't read them. I believe that a book finds me and then waits until I am ready for its message. Shortly before we left for Canada I walked into a bookstore and bought a book for my book group list. I didn't really think about it much after that. The write up on the back didn't draw me in but I needed a book that I hadn't read. I put it on my bookshelf and left it.

Yesterday in the airport I was looking through the books and one caught my eye. The cover and the write-up made my mouth water. I put it down and went through airport security, believing that I didn't really need it. It called to me though and I searched through the bookstore on the other side of security. I finally found one copy tucked underneath another pile of books. I bought it and started devouring it on the plane.

Today I was looking for another book and realized that those two books were the same book. Different covers, completely different write-ups on the back, but the same book. (I've never ever done that before - I always remember my books!) I now own two copies, but obviously I am meant to read it now. I've read a third of it and I am feeling both madly in love and woefully untalented. Delicious.

I love books.

off again!

"...you've got to stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be." - Richard from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Well, we are off again. This time we are flying back to the UK on an overnight flight. We should be home sometime tomorrow night. In the meantime I want to leave you with:

One quote to make you think (top), one last Christmas angel to protect you (above) and a bit of Canadian winter to inspire you (below.)


See you in another time zone!!

P.S. If you are looking for something to really make you think this year, go here and take the Real Age test. It's really interesting (and free!)

xo

ghosts (this is a long one!)

"People come and go in life, but they never leave your dreams. Once they're in your subconscious they are immortal" ~ Patricia Hampl

There is a closet in the room that was once mine that is full of my things. Every time I come home I cull it a little bit more. Each time I arrive I have changed a little bit so some things have greater meaning for me and others have lost it. I am amazed at my former self when I do this and ask myself WHY I still have a baseball cap from high school or a broken piggy bank? Why have I not thrown them out during the twelve other times I have done this?

This time I did something I have never done before. This time I tackled my letter box. Since I was about fifteen I have kept every letter I have ever gotten. The box was full of letters, old photographs, school notes still folded up to look like stars, birthday cards, and post cards. I thought I would just throw most of them away but as soon as I opened one envelope, I was transported. That box didn't just hold paper. That box held ghosts.

There were letters from friends who I can't even picture any more. There were birthday cards from my grandparents. I teared up when I read, "We love you, love Grandma and Grandpa" because I will never get a card like that again. There were letters from two of my friends who are now gone. Their ordinary lives and youthful exuberance filled the pages and I cried, knowing what I know now about their future, and realizing how much of my time I am wasting.

There were love letters there, too. One set were from a particularly horny boy who I can't even picture any more. I laughed when I read them because my naive teenage self had no idea what he was writing, but I sure do now! There were others too. I shake my head because I always felt lonely and ugly and awkward as a teen. I had mad crushes on the boys who would never love me, but didn't realize that there were boys who had mad crushes on me. How sad that part of being young is.

One set of letters and notes was from the boy who adored me and who I loved back. I know now that I was too scared of those feelings to tell him or act on them. I was scared that he might want to (gasp) have sex with me and I was terrified and not ready for the hugeness of what we could have been. I know I hurt him dreadfully and I will forever be sorry for that. I hope he has forgiven me.

There were notes and letters from my family and from people I am still friends with. All of this childish angst and excitement and energy was contained in the box. I felt overwhelmed by the spirits and memories swirling around me as I opened each envelope and revealed what was inside. All of what I was and who was important to me washed over me and I felt wobbly and shaken when I was finished.

I kept some of the most precious things but I admit that I threw a lot of it away. It may sound strange to you but I feel lighter and older since letting those energies free. I feel like somehow I was carrying all of that stuff around with me and now it's gone. I've chosen what to keep and what to remember and what to let go of. I'm so excited to get my teeth into a new year. I feel like I have made a space in my life for new spirits to enter. This year I am going to marry my best friend, finish (and hopefully sell) my book, be part of a website launch (with global domination, of course) and hopefully change this world a little bit for the better.

I'm ready.

Dear 2007,

I just wanted to write and thank you for everything.

*thank you for my family - for my Mom and Dad and my brother and sister-in-law and my gorgeous little niece, and my extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins and one Oma. Thank you for their health and happiness and just for them being here in the first place.

*thank you for this blogging community. I'm not very good at it anymore, but people still come to read what I have to say and I appreciate that. Thank you for all of them. Thank you for their honesty in their own posts and comments. I hope they all have love and happiness and that they know that their words matter to someone. (I won't put links here because I don't want to hurt anyone by forgetting them.)

*thank you for the tribe of women I have encircling me. They know who they are. It's been a difficult year in a lot of ways. You gave us a lot of work to do and some pretty big challenges. We have made it through and are stronger than we were in 2006! Thank you for their presence in my life.

*thank you for the roof over my head, continued health, a job, and for constant inspiration and challenge.

*thank you for the most romantic moment of my life - so far.

*thank you for other adventures - for Bath and for London and for Bournemouth and for walks around reservoirs, and for Dartmoor, and for the beautiful place I live.

*thank you for my parents coming and seeing me where I live and for every ounce of unending support they continue to provide - even when they don't understand their unconventional daughter.

*most of all, thank you for another year with the love of my life.

Thank you for everything, and I look forward to meeting your successor.

All my love,
meg
xo


Dear 2008,

You are going to be the best year of my life - so far.

(Just thought I'd better let you in on that so we are both on the same page!)

LOVE, meg. xo



(Happy New Year everyone!! Make a good wish tonight and I'll see you in '08!)

into my pail

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

I had "one of those days" yesterday. Things have been strange and difficult here so yesterday I finally dropped out. I had one of those days when I put on clean pajamas in the morning and then go right back to bed. I read Oprah, ate soup, napped, but mostly found myself staring off into space for vast stretches of time. I haven't had a day like this for ages. If I paid attention I could literally hear the index cards falling into place as my mind filed and sorted through the accumulated bunf that has been filling my head lately. I felt sorry for myself, I cried, I sighed, I understood, I held my breath and at some point in the evening I came up for air.

I'm writing this because there are people out there who read blogs and think that other people have it all together. There are people out there who compare their dark sides to the sunlit sides that we allow ourselves to put out into the world. Sometimes life gets too hard, but hard is important in our stories too.

Today I am feeling a little better. My Mom calls days like that "going into your pail" after the character on Star Trek who used to have to go into a pail to regenerate every once in a while. Sometimes we need to retreat into our pail and let our filing system get to work. I'm going to spend some time with my oldest friends tonight. That's another kind of regeneration. Between the two I should be ready by tomorrow to take on the world again.

xo

my Christmas rant.

“The only real blind person at Christmas-time is he who has not Christmas in his heart.” - Helen Keller

I need to warn you, this will be a little bit of a rant. NOTHING bugs me more this time of year than people saying that they hate Christmas. HATE CHRISTMAS?!? HATE CHRISTMAS?!? Well, if you fall into that category, I'm sorry but you just don't get it.

Now I understand about hating the commercialism and the crowds and the pressure. I understand about being sad and lonely during this time of year. I understand about the weather and the traveling and feeling overwhelmed. I get that. I understand all of these feelings, and often feel this way myself. But I am here to tell you that it's not CHRISTMAS' fault that we feel this way. It's our own. WE create our reality. If you spend Christmas worrying about the perfect present or having the right amount of baking done or whether or not you can spend one more moment in the company of someone, this is not Christmas' fault either.

One year I spent Christmas in bed. I worked at a Christmas craft show at the end of November and came home on December 5 with a socking great case of Mononucleosis that kept me in bed until nearly March. I was completely bed ridden and semi-conscious for much of the month and when you are in bed in December there is not very much on television except those specials. Being in bed meant I didn't help with the preparations or the shopping and I got out of the hoopla by having a neck swollen out past my ears.

When you watch nothing but Christmas specials for 20 days you begin to see a bit of a pattern. Whether it is The Grinch who Stole Christmas (the original one!) or Frosty the Snowman or The Year Without a Santa Claus or Rudolph or any of the nine million other Christmas specials that are on, the message is exactly the same. The point of Christmas is to be nice to each other. To love each other. To believe in magic. And most of all, the point of Christmas is to "keep Christmas in your heart" for the the rest of the year. KEEP believing in magic. KEEP being nice to each other. Believe in love.

So go ahead and hate the crowds, the pressure, the multiple family crisis', and the commercialism, but don't blame Christmas. Look at what you are doing that makes you hate Christmas and for heaven's sake, DO SOMETHING ELSE. Hatred is not the way to move into a new year.

So I wish you peace and joy and warm cookies and angels. I wish you warm legs to put your cold toes on. I wish you laughter and calm and love. I wish you help getting everything you need to get done. I wish you a perfect moment of peace. I wish you belief in magic. I wish you a moment of clarity. But I don't just wish this for you today. I wish you a whole year of these things. I hope that you can keep love and joy and magic in your heart until I can wish it for you again in 2008.

Ho Ho Ho.

(If you are need of a little bit of Christmas cheer, go onto iTunes and download Stuart McLean's "Dave Cooks the Turkey" or any other of his Christmas stories. It'll be the best .99c or .79p you've spent this Christmas! I promise.)

OFF to the Great White North!!

Yo Hosers! (Canadians'll know what that means!)

We are off right now for the two day trip to Canada (don't ask!) where they have been snowed in already!!

Yay!

See you in North America!

Sigh.

homeland here I come!

xo

weirdness!

This little fella is a "Pink Fairy Armadillo." Strange little guy isn't he? Kind of makes you wonder about evolution and how and why it works. In fact, if you go to this website, you will find LOTS of reasons to think twice about evolution!!

Mark and I saw one of these at the Natural History Museum in London when we went there at the beginning of December. If you are ever in London, GO to this museum! Even if you just walk in the door and walk out again, you will feel just like a little kid. It just looks so much like a museum you might find in a movie. There are monkeys carved into the walls and every single surface seems to have detail on it. Our overwhelming impression of this building was, "they don't make 'em like this anymore!!"

We went to London to see the exhibit of Terracotta Warriors at the British Museum. (This picture is from their website.) This is the largest exhibit of these statues that has ever been outside of China. It was really amazing. (If you don't know what they are, go here.) We marveled at the scope of one man's power and need for immortality. It's interesting that 2000 years ago a megalomaniac was able to create an entire world for himself and be in control of an entire nation and achieve a kind of immortality. Our modern megalomaniacs (Michael Jackson, for example) create their own worlds (Neverland) and we think that they are crazy, (and I suppose he also has achieved a kind of immortality.)

Funny isn't it?

On our trip we also slept (as Mark says) in Tupperware (open the 'small rooms' link near the bottom of the page), shopped in our dream grocery store, and ate in a most unusual place! We had lots of talks about what we want our life to look like and where we are going and what we are going to do. Things are tight right now, but we are really going places. I have been inspired by beauty and potential and the unusual this month. I hope my eyes stay this open.

earliest memory

“It's surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time” - Barbara Kingsolver

Do you know what your earliest memory is?

I think I figured out what mine is today, and I don't know if it's good or not!

We were talking about chickens at lunch and I was recounting a story about when I was a child and my parents had chickens. When I was just a tot they decided that they were going to (with a bunch of their friends) kill and butcher the chickens themselves. There is a photograph of me at about 2 or 3 kneeling on a table in my navy jumper and tights and cute little blue cardigan sweater looking at a half butchered chicken. I don't remember that part very well.

Today when I was telling that story, though, I had a vivid memory of our friend Lawrence showing me an egg that was still inside one of the chickens when he was cutting it up. I remember that it looked just like an egg but that the shell was still soft and squishable. I can see it as clearly as if it was yesterday. I have a few other memories, but it's getting so that I don't know if the memory is actually mine or if I have seen a photograph of it and it has turned into a memory. So I think that this is my first honest to goodness memory.

A dead chicken and a squishy egg. What does that say about me?

What is your earliest memory?

bigger and bigger

"Feel the light caress your fingertips.
You have just begun, the word has only left your lips.
Maybe in time, you will find
your arms are wrapped around the sun."
- Deb Talan (Big Strong Girl)

When I saw this ring on Thea's blog (and then her Etsy) I knew I had to have it! It's my new writing companion. It's a tangible reminder that FROM NOW ON my intention is to be so much more than I currently am!

RRRrrrrrroooOOOOoooooAAAAAAaaaaRRRRRrrrrrrrr!!!

big day!

I keep three wishes ready,
Least I should chance to meet,
Any day a fairy
Coming down the street.
I'd hate to have to stammer,
Or have to think them out,
For it's very hard to think things up
When a fairy is about.
And I'd hate to lose my wishes,
For fairies fly away,
And perhaps I'd never have a chance
On any other day.
So I keep three wishes ready,
Lest I should chance to meet,
Any day a fairy
Coming down the street.

Annette Wynne


Mark's Mom let me see her copy of The Wish Book a few weeks ago. According to that book today is one of the few days in the year when all of the cosmic forces are aligned properly and you can make a really big wish! Apparently the powers are strong all day, but most powerful between 3:18 & 3:22pm today. (Now, I don't know about time zones... that one is tricky! I'm just going to go with it!) It doesn't matter if you subscribe to the idea of cosmic ordering or not, it's a lovely idea that today is a powerful wish day and that all over the world, people are believing in the power of magic, the universe and their dreams.

I used to wish the same wish for everything. It used to be a wish for my Grandfather, but now that he is gone I am a lot less focused. If I met a fairy or a genie walking down the road, I'd be all flustered while I searched for something. So I think that today I am going to come up with my BIG wish and wish it at 3:19. It can't hurt, can it? You NEVER know!!

Do you have a great big wish ready?

testing the waters

"Hopefully the era of gurus and other benevolent dictators is over. Ultimately we have to learn to draw our own lines." - Gabrielle Roth

(Can you see the face in this picture? He has huge eyebrows and the big rock for a nose!)

I am sneaking out of hiding to dip a toe back into the world of blogging. I feel quite different after a month off! I have come to terms with some things, discovered some others, come up with a new project (yikes - another one?!) and found that, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I have been looking for all of my answers outside of myself. A small physical blip has pulled back the curtain and I realized that I have been totally living from the neck up.

So I am warning you now - things are about to get a little messy. I'm climbing back into myself from the ground up. For the first time in a long time, I am taking very deep breaths.


P.S. When I was away I spent some time with the gorgeous Susannah. She took the picture of me that is in my new banner (and she took the picture of the leaves too!) Look at this AMAZING shot from her photo blog!!!

...please leave a message after the beep.

“Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily. If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented. So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise.” - Maya Angelou

I took this picture one afternoon at the cottage in Canada. I love it because it's not a black and white picture, it just looks that way. The world at that moment was very much in black and white. (With a teeny tiny bit of blue sky peeking out over the trees.)

I'm taking a break. I found a link for NaBloPoMo last week and then I remembered that it is November and that means NaNoWriMo is happening too. I got all excited thinking about which one I could do. Then I took a good long look in the mirror and realized that I ALREADY have A LOT to do! So I giggled a little bit at myself and shook my head and decided that rather than leap out into a month of imposed deadlines, I would pull back into some work of my own.

So I am taking a blogging rest. I need to get out and live some life so that I will have more to write about. A year ago I went on an amazing journey and met some wonderful women. The months since then have been a whirlwind of good and bad and creative and dry and friendship and loneliness. I decided then that there was a lot I wanted from my life. I think that the anniversary of that trip is a good time to pull focus and get back to the heart of what I want and what I need to do to get there.

Keep me posted on you and know that I will be back in a month. I hope to have an exciting project started and a book nearly finished by the time I return. But until then I will be 'out of the office.' I'll see you when I get back!

33 years.

"A few years back… not so long ago, heaven and earth erupted into a major celebration with the news of your impending adventure into this very time and space. You see, someone like [you] doesn’t come along all that often… in fact, there’s never been a single one like you, nor is there ever ANY possibility that another will come again. You’re an Angel among us. Someone, whose eyes see what no others will EVER see, whose ears hear what no others will EVER hear, and whose perspective and feelings will NEVER, ever be duplicated. Without YOU, the Universe, and ALL THAT IS, would be sadly less than it is." - my birthday wish from the Universe

As this is MY blog I will not feel one eye-ota (I don't know how to spell eye-ota!) guilty about wishing myself a happy birthday!! I am 33 years old today! It's been an interesting year and a lovely day! I woke up to a sweet version of 'Happy Birthday,' had some lovely presents and birthday wishes, spent the day shopping with a friend and had a nice meal out with Mark and friends. I feel ready and willing to walk boldly into my 34th year with gusto! Watch out universe - this year is going to knock your socks off!

sharing some niceness

The more you flow you into existence
The more existence will flow into you
It is always in the same proportion.

Whatsoever you sow, you reap,
And whatsoever you give, you get.

So, if you want to get more energy,
Give more energy.

If you want to get more love,
Give more love.

If you want existence to shower on you
Great torrents of Bliss,
Then make people Blissful
Wherever you go.

-Osho

I've been surfing the web and found the most yummy site! Amazing deliciousness... maybe someday they will deliver to the UK!

(The photograph above was taken near the cottage Mark and I went to with my parents. This stump is usually submerged but the water is so low this year, it was standing on the beach - beautiful!!)

Hope you are having a good week, wherever you are!

xo

hello there!

We're back!!

(We were actually back on the day before yesterday but required some time to re-boot the system before I attempted anything coherent!!)

Canada was wonderful! We managed to see nearly everyone I am related to. (At nearly 100 people, that is no easy feat!) But they were kind enough to have big family reunions while we were home, so it was easy! In fact, I also managed to spend some time with my oldest girlfriends too! Now that I sit here and think about it, I saw A LOT of people over the last two weeks!

When we arrived we stayed over night in Brampton so that we could visit my Oma and our possible wedding venue with my parents the next day. And I am so glad we did because we booked our wedding for next October!!!! (weird!) It's going to be at a conservation area that does sustainable energy education programs. The food is all Canadian and "realistically organic" (heh heh heh) and any profit that they make from us goes straight back into programs at the site. We are keeping our fingers crossed for "sunny and warm" for next October because we hope the ceremony will be outside under the fall colours!

Then we had family reunion number one, and then we went to the Norwood Fair (the second photo of the taffy pulling) with my brother and sister-in-law and our niece (the cuteness in the picture at the top!)
THEN we went to a cottage for the middle week with my parents. It was very rustic, very relaxing and very cold. Both Mark and I went swimming, we all went canoeing, I slept and read in nearly equal amounts, and we ate lots of barbequed food. Despite the body count (one mouse and one worm) it was a great few days!

It's strange to be back here again. Even though the flight was only 8 hours, we were traveling for more than 18. When I walked in, I couldn't rest. I needed to fuss and open the doors and windows and unpack. I always feel like our house shifts a little while we are away - like it begins to slide away from us - and I need to make a little noise and bustle to bring it back to us again. I always feel like things are in a different place from the way I left them. I can't explain it any better than that. I've forced myself up early this morning and it feels like it's all back in focus again now.

Sigh! So that's where I've been. I'm feeling quite jet-lagged still, but excited about our year ahead. On Thursday I turn 33!! In less than two months I will be back again for Christmas. A year from now lots of things are going to be different! When I turned 30, my friend Karen gave me a card that said that 30 was going to be MY year. I didn't believe her. But for some reason that card has been haunting me over the past few weeks. I hear it whispering at me. Yes. You know what? I think that maybe it's THIS year that will be MY year!

So how have YoU been???

Powerful/Canada!

This is going to be a multi-layered post! I am leaving for home this week so I need to make it good!

The prompt this week at Sunday Scribblings is 'powerful.' This is a topic that I have been mulling over an awful lot over the past few weeks. The novel that I have been working on so much has this as one of its underlying themes. It's about female power; about learning to listen to yourself and to get past some of the barriers that a shocking number of women in the western world have up around themselves. It's about where we put that power and what we allow to have power over us.

It's such an intense thing to be thinking about all of the time. A little while ago I decided that I needed to stop writing about all of the ways that I wasn't good enough. I decided to stop writing about all of the ways that I was frustrated and unhappy. Out of that decision came the most productive writing time I have ever had. Writing about power has shone a light into my own perceived lack of it and I have spent some uncomfortable moments realizing what that means.

We are surrounded nearly every moment of every day with the message that we aren't good enough. We aren't thin enough, we aren't rich enough, we don't have enough toys, enough gadgets. We aren't creative enough, we aren't eating the right foods, we aren't using the right products. We are so frightened we have stopped listening to ourselves. We listen to the false internal voices of self-doubt and the mean external voices of discontent. Happy, contented people don't buy lots of things to fill holes and gaps. Frightened, discontented people do. Marketing companies want us to be afraid. They want us to believe we are somehow lacking. They want us to spend money to make up for that perceived lack. They want us to believe that we need their product to make us feel good again. Type 'diet' into Google and you get one hundred and sixty-two million hits. WHAT are we DOING?!

I have a group of dear friends who I think are among the most beautiful women I know. They are creative and beautiful and strong and feisty and fierce. Every single one of them also worries about her weight. Not one of them needs to. If we each took back every ounce of energy that we waste being AFRAID (of being too fat, too thin, not good enough, not strong enough, not lovable, not worthy, not beautiful enough, not creative enough, not, not NOT), things would be different. We could reclaim our power. We could change our lives. We could change our world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am leaving for Canada this week! "Oh Canada, [my] home and native land!!" We are going home for two things that aren't happening anymore, but we are doing three different things. We are going to two huge family gatherings and spending the week in between at a cottage on a lake. I am going to lay on the dock and canoe with my parents and play with my niece and hang out with my brother and sister-in-law, and play in the autumn leaves and (hopefully) book a wedding venue (eep!) and relax.

We are kind of dashing home so we won't get a chance to see everyone, but we will be home again at Christmas for longer, so that visit will be better. THIS one is about actually having a holiday - YAHOO!! I've told you before how much I love October! When we get back it'll be my birthday and then my work changes and then before you know it it'll be time to go back again. I miss Canada with all of my heart and soul. It's been 9 months since I was there. I'm very excited to reconnect with my landscape.

I'll see you when we get back! Take care of you!

xo

quickie post!

Hi there - only time for a quick post but this made me laugh out loud.



Have a marvelous Wednesday!

xo

Babbling about writing...

"These days

whatever you have to say, leave
the roots on, let them
dangle

And the dirt

Just to make clear
where they come from"

-Charles Olson

Forgive me for my absence and also for my complete obsession with my own words. I have been writing. Yesterday I passed an important word-count landmark. Before when I have written books, I have gone back time after time and edited. I have waited months, even years to complete a paragraph. I have wasted so much time going back and reading what I had already written that I have not finished until the story was stale. But this time it is different. This time I have just been writing it down as it comes to me. I try not to judge or to edit or to read back. I have been leaving the dirt on the roots.

I have hit rough patches. Three of my characters sat in a van for a few weeks as I tried to get them to tell me what they did next. I had to go a chapter ahead and wait for them until they finally told me how they got there. One of my characters spent the better part of a week in a garden shed before she told me that she had discovered the seeds stored in a dusty glass jar on the top shelf. She's out now and has just finished growing a garden full of sweet peas.

I've been devouring the book Fruitflesh as I have been working. So far I feel like I have been collecting the bones of my story, and with every word I read of this book I get more excited to move on from the adventure of the first draft to the juice of the second. For the first time in my life I have completely given myself over to my own words. I have been showing up at the page, listening to the whispers and allowing my writing from the inside out. I can't explain it any better than that. But that is where I have been.

Here's a little bit of advice on writing (or any creative outlet really) - I HIGHLY recommend this book!! (and I just found the author's blog!!! YAY!!)

"If you find your writing getting away from you, bring your focus back to the body. Reel your words back under your skin, to what you're experiencing in the moment - the taste of sourdough in your mouth, the way the light hits the blue lip of the water glass, the scent of dirty laundry wafting across the room. Let yourself be fully present, in the world and on the page. Tell the story only you can tell, the one that hums inside your cells, the one that only you can release. Let the warmth of your body bring your words to full ripeness." - Gayle Brandeis Fruitflesh pg. 15

a quote

Wow - two posts in one evening! I was going to stop with one but then I found this quote and it made me want to run and dive into a pot of paint. It made me want to stay up all night creating. I made me want to call Mr. Gregory and invite him over for a delicious tea-party or home made sushi to thank him for putting this piece of writing into the world! So of course, I had to share. (This is an enormous quote and there's MORE than this! It comes from his wonderful book, The Creative License.)

"To be creative, you must be brave and allow yourself to take risks. You must also be a little crazy.

But have an appropriate degree of perspective. Reassure yourself that by doing a watercolour or throwing a pot you won't set off some chain reaction that destroys your entire universe. The whole reason you are feeling any sort of need to be creative is because you, as an organism, feel some need to adapt to changes in your environment. Your job may be too restrictive. Your relationship may be showing you new possibilities. Your daily paper may be reshuffling your deck. Your body may be changing. Or you may just be more sensitive that those around you, a canary in a coal mine, bellwether to changes that others don't yet sense.

Under all those conditions, creative change is no longer a risk - it's an imperative. Give yourself the chance to experiment and reconfigure your life. Start today. Before the volcano erupts or the meteor hits the earth, before you get hit by a bus, or your candidate loses, or your boss makes a cutback - before the changes erupt, and it's too late.
It's time to stop being a dinosaur and start figuring out how to be a bird." - Danny Gregory, The Creative License page 78.

Good night!!

a bit from me...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson.

This quote is one of my favorites. It's been quoted so often by people that sometimes I think we forget to read what it is saying. I know it's been a long time since my last post. I've been... percolating! I've been writing my novel (over 30,000 words now!!) I've been fleshing out another idea, I've been working on the website, and I have been hiding on the couch eating too much chocolate when the possibilities get too big. I admit that am scared of my dreams. But now I am determined to be afraid of them as they are coming true instead of being afraid of them before I have even tried. Subtle. Tricky. But crucial.

xo

a new year...

"Most of us miss our own lives. Most of us spend our time preparing for a moment that never comes,
while the years slip by, unnoticed, unused." - Geneen Roth

Tonight I came home from work, had a quick shower to wash off the day, and set about beginning my 'divine mojo-boost' ritual. I wasn't sure until I sat down what I was going to do, but I knew that I wanted to get the autumn started off right.

I started by burning some sage. I like thinking that I have cleansed the air of any negative energy. Then I recited the bit of Mary Oliver poetry that I feel hits exactly the note of who I would like to be. (The one on my sidebar.) And then I did what I do best - I wrote - I wrote about all of the aspects of myself that I wanted to release and I gently read them to myself over and over and over again. At first I felt quite silly, and I felt like maybe nothing was going to happen, and then an amazing thing happened. I experienced release.

I felt it in happen in my stomach, just below my chest. I felt a tight place loosen. I hadn't even really known it was tight. I felt my forehead relax and my breath deepen. I felt softer than I have in ages. I folded up the paper, whispered a gentle thank you, burned some sage again and then took my paper out to the barbecue! I lit the edge and as I watched it burn I whispered a wish to the smoke for anyone else who was doing a ritual at the same time as I was. Then I whispered a prayer for those I love, and recited the bit of poetry again.

"I feel my boots trying to leave the ground, I feel my heart pumping hard. I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings." -Mary Oliver

I hope that wherever you are you are feeling rejuvenated and ready for autumn to begin. Here's to a new season and a new year!

And what did you do?

hunger.

"Trusting ourselves means being willing to hunger - for food, for intimacy,
for comfort, for self-expression.
It is the denial, not the acknowledgement, of hunger that destroys us.
We are all hungry for something." - Geneen Roth

I haven't been. I haven't been consciously hungry for anything for a long time. I have wanted things. I have hoped for things. I have tried to 'manifest' things. I have cried for things. I have eaten things because they were there. I have dreamed about being a published writer. I have been lonely for friends and family. I have felt not good enough as is. I have been afraid of things. I have absolutely longed for things. But I have not been HUNGRY for things.

For me, hungry means wanting something so much that you do anything in order to have it. For me, hungry means that you ignore all rational and conscious thought because you are so determined. Hungry means that there is a real gnawing hunger that needs satiating. For a long, long time that has not been me. I have not listened to my hungers.

I have been eating. I have been watching television. I have been sleeping in. I have been making mess after mess in my house that I need to clean up. I have been emailing, surfing, reading, and generally farting around. I have been wasting precious precious time waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know. I'm embarrassed to say.

Many people (including me) have said that life would be so much easier if we wanted to be ordinary. But I think that on some level I haven't really wanted to be a creative either. I have so many preconceived notions of what that means. I am so scared of so much of it I couldn't begin to list all of the things I am afraid of. Mostly I am afraid to want it too much, or put too much work in, in case it doesn't happen.

In January I declared a theme for 2007. I have decided that starting on Sunday I am going to declare a new theme for the foreseeable future. And it's going to be HUNGRY. I'm going to listen to what I am hungry for and do something about it. That's it. There is no more time to waste. None.

Wish me luck!

Powerful.

"Being powerful is giving yourself permission to feel good. Being powerful is allowing yourself to be as creative, outrageous, honest, sensual and demanding as you are. Being powerful is realizing that you don't have to hide anything from anyone." - Geneen Roth

I am home sick today. My stomach told me that it has had enough excitement and it needed a break. On my way past the bookshelf this morning, I picked up the very first book I put my finger on. It was one by the amazing Geneen Roth. As it turns out, it was one of the books that I have marked as I read it before. So today I was able to read messages from myself - to see what passages have resonated before - and to see how much I have changed since the first read.

Today I found this passage and I loved - loved - loved it. As I am preparing for my mojo-ritual on Sunday, I thought it was perfect timing! I wanted to share it with you:

"Ask yourself - now - what would happen if you were to become as powerful as you are?

Who would be frightened?
How would your life change?
How would you eat?
What would you wear?
What kinds of things would upset you?
How would you walk, talk?
What kind of work would you do?
Who would be your friends?
Does you life, the way it is now, support you in becoming powerful?
Do one powerful thing today.
Tomorrow, when you wake up, dress as if you were expressing your power. Then walk through the day as a powerful woman would.
Treat yourself as if you were already enough."

- Geneen Roth

on beauty in two different ways

I am working on three projects right now! That's right - THREE! I am on page 90 in my book, I am working on our website and I got two amazing idea flashes in the last week or so. One of them I am going to shelve for a little while (after letting the Universe know that I accept it of course!) and one left me tingling so much that I think I might get started on it.

I have a real issue with all of this inspiration. I have a lot of trouble visualizing. I can sense my projects but I can't see them. My book has been easy because I am just writing it. It will be a novel-of-sorts. (It's sort of a grown up woman's fairy tale.) But the other two require some artwork or photographs or SOMETHING and I just can't do it. I have a whole non-fiction 'self-help/ inspirational' book written - WRITTEN - and it's just sitting on my computer waiting for me to go back and revise and edit and visually make it the thing I want it to be. But I can't do that bit. I can't get the beauty out of my head and onto the page. And I don't feel like I can send it to a publisher without the beauty. I know that they would get an amazing illustrator/ artist to do the images but I don't want my words to be rejected because I can't illustrate what they mean to someone. The beauty is instrumental.

So I continue to sit down and write the books and the pieces and then I leave them in files where no one reads them. My latest idea could be incredible. It involves a book and a website and helping people to create concrete evidence of who they are and how they got there. It could be a cool workshop as well... sigh. I have some artistic ability, but the link between brain and output just isn't there. I can't SEE what I want it to be, I can only SENSE what it already is. Does that make any sense at all??

(I meant this post to be about something entirely different today but the post took on a life of its own. Michelle put a link to a site on her blog and I went there. Please read Michelle's instructions and her fabulous post about it and then go to this website. It's absolutely incredible. You will be amazed.)

craving some "divine mojo!"

"Autumn... asks that we prepare for the future - that we be wise in the ways of garnering and keeping. But it also asks that we learn to let go - to acknowledge the beauty of sparseness." - B.W. Overstreet

I have an invitation for you. I would like you to join me in a spirit-lightening, mojo-boosting ritual!

For many people the year begins on January 1rst. At the beginning of a new year we write resolutions and make promises to ourselves. We look at the things we need to change and we hope that by the end of the year we will have everything we ever wanted. For me it has always made much more sense to have those sorts of thoughts in the autumn. With school starting and summer ending, it always seemed to me that the year started fresh in September. I've written about this before here.

But here I am, sitting in the middle of August, feeling a little cramped by parts of my life that don't quite fit anymore. I read other blogs and feel the same thing from all of you. We vow to do differently than we do now over and over again. It's exhausting. I am feeling ready to relax the reins a bit. I feel ready to take a breath.

Yesterday I was feeling in need of inspiration so I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened the first book I touched. This is what I read:

"...create your own rituals - whatever you like, and for any reason whatsoever, as long as they really mean something to you and have some divine weight, some honest tang. Your rituals can be shaped around almost anything at all - like a job promotion or a breakup - or just because you're really craving some divine mojo." - Sera Beak - The Red Book

That's me alright - craving some divine mojo! So I decided to create my own autumnal ritual. And inspired by Jamie's Dance Party, I decided to ask if you would do it with me!

So you are invited to participate in a mojo-boosting autumn new-year ritual!

When: September the 2nd at 6pm GMT. You'll have to do your own math to figure out what time this will be for you where you are! (it should really be September 1rst but I figured more people will be home on Sunday to do it!)

What: a new you ritual. You can be as big or as small as you like. It's about stopping and taking stock, taking a deep breath, releasing some old gunk, and stepping into the rest of the year revived. "Some rituals are enacted simply to mark a special time, to focus a desire, break a nasty habit, encourage a healthier you, or celebrate a traditional event. There is much to be explored in the betwixt. There is much fun to be had in the between." - Sera Beak.

How: you choose what you do that would be meaningful to you. You could have a bath, light some candles, write yourself some vows, burn something (carefully), sip some tea or some wine or some champagne, get a tattoo, write poetry, marry yourself, burn some sage or incense, bake bread, meditate, or anything else that will help you feel different when you are finished. Participate at the same time and offer a small wish at the end to the other people who are doing it with you. Then blog about it if you like.

Who: Everyone is invited (even non-bloggers!) I believe that the more people do it, the more powerful it will be.

Please join me - and we can all breathe deeply and move lightly into autumn together!

xo

I need your advice!!

Okay peeps, I have a question for you!! (All of you - even the lurkers - I wanna know what you think too!!)

Mark and I are about to embark on weddingness. Since we got engaged people have been asking us what we are doing and when we are doing it. We have no idea when or what or how. We are going to sit down and start talking about it soon but everything I look at about weddings is SCARY!! It all seems to involve lists and things that we must do. There doesn't seem to be anything anywhere about how to make up a beautiful, meaningful, simple, elegant, memorable day.

So what I would love is if you would give me some advice. What did you do that worked? What have you seen done at weddings that you thought was lovely? What wouldn't you have done? What would be your dream wedding? What advice/ inspiration/ tips/ wisdom can you give me? Our facts are: two countries, small budget, and enormous family in Canada.

So can you help?

P.S. Karen - the Pimms & Nibbles are for you!!

possessed.

"Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else." - Glorian Steinem

I am finding it increasingly difficult to remain in the real world. I have just finished reading the final Harry Potter book and I am having difficulty climbing out of it. Plenty of books have come and gone in my life that have left no impact. I can remember most of them, but they did not come to be a part of me. There have been books, however, that left me reeling. This feeling does not necessarily come from a heavy or intense story, but usually from the sense of being fully immersed in its world. When I finish a book that has claimed me, it is often like coming up for air. Part of me wants to be out, to be done, to be back on firm ground and part of me is longing to be back deep inside.

But the strangest thing has happened to me this week. I have been inhabiting two books at the same time. One was Harry Potter and the other was my own manuscript. The characters in one of the books were bringing me along with them as I read about their lives, and the characters in the other have been taking up residence in my head. I don't feel like it is me writing this book. I feel like it is being whispered to me. When I am not writing it whole scenes appear before me, and sentences, paragraphs and snippets of dialogue swim by in quick succession. When I am writing it I don't always know what is going to come out until it is there on the page. If you watched me reading it back you would see me shaking my head in surprise.

So the result of all of this is that my head is a bit full of fiction. There is scarcely time or space for anything else. There was simply no question of stopping reading or writing so the rest of my life has suffered. I find myself being angry at my 'real' life because it gets in the way. I missed a wonderful bit of conversation the other day because I was dealing with something at work and I couldn't stop to write the words down as the came to me. I've said before that I needed to stop writing so that I could get by in my daily life. That's still true! But now I want to give up the daily life to make room for the writing. Oh, to be able to sit down and focus on one thing at a time!

Reading this back it sounds quite negative and that is not how I mean it to sound. I am deeply, passionately in love with my book. I was deeply involved in reading Harry Potter. I am happiest and most in 'the flow' when involved in such relationships with books. It is just overwhelming sometimes. I have never felt like this about a piece of my own writing before. I have had wonderful feedback from a few friends who have read it and from Mark (he's even asked me what was going to happen next a few times - a very good sign as it is a VERY woman-y book!) I know that I am going to have to come up for air sooner or later, but in the meantime, you'll have to forgive me for any absence. I've returned from Hogwarts, but that was only part of me. I'm still not fully here. I'm afraid I've become lost in another book, and this one is going to be much more difficult to leave behind.

The Universe is kicking my butt!

(When we were in Exeter with my parents we walked by this amazing door and of course my Dad needed to see what was on the other side so he pushed it open. Turns out it was another door!!) (Deep eh?!)

For the last little while I have been doing a lot of thinking about all of the ways that I DON'T do the things that I want for myself. But when I started doing that today I could actually hear Dr. Phil in my head saying, "How's that working for ya?" So I decided to stop and think about the ways that I DO work towards my dreams. "Enough of this defeatist bullshit," I thought. Clearly I do more good than bad or I would not be living the life I do.

This week I have been up by 6:30am every morning and I have written my book. It's been my sacred date. I have pushed past my blockage (I had three characters sitting in a van for ages. Two wanted to be in the book, but I didn't know what to do with them,) and I am now bustling towards the 60 page mark - yippee yahoo!

This morning I found this quote:

Again and again in history some people wake up. They have no ground in the crowd and they move to broader, deeper laws. They carry strange customs with them and demand room for bold and audacious action. The future speaks ruthlessly through them. They change the world. -- Rainer Maria Rilke

It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I hope that in some small way by the end of my life, I have done something that changes the world - even if it is just for one person.

And then today I got this message from the Universe:

Live your dreams now, Meghan, to any degree that you can. With every purchase. Every decision. Every hello and goodbye. Every assignment. Every conversation. Every meal. Every morning, afternoon and evening. And never, ever, ever look back.

Reframe every thought, word, and deed from the perspective of the person you've always dreamed you'd be, as if your life was already as you've always dreamed it would be. Die to yesterday's illusions and be reborn to the truth of your vision.

And let's just see if you can handle the onslaught of treasures I send your way.

Your greatest admirer, biggest fan, and truest friend -
The Universe

And it kicked my ass. I would like to report my friends that I am BACK ON TRACK!!

Some days it is easy to move toward your dreams and some days it is hard. Some days I can pay attention to the good things I've done and some days I can only eat my weight in sugar. Some days I am strong and some days I need to be quiet and still. Sometimes I feel inspiring and other days I need inspiration. I am so glad that when it is needed most, inspiration seems to come - even if it needs to come from inside, from the outside, or from the universe.

xo